Anonymous asked this question on 3/6/2000:

Hi,

I want an opinion from the experts in this category. If someone chooses to spank their child for discipline, do you think they should have their child taken away from them by social services? I have a friend who disciplines her child with spanking. Her child went to school one day and told a teacher that she gets spanked. The next day social services were at her door, they had her under investigation for months. They told her if she spanks and/or yells at her child it is abuse and they will come back and take this child from her. That child loves her mother and she is a good mom. She provides for her and nutures her fully. They are very close and this would distroy this child.

Do you think this is right?

courtneysmom gave this response on 3/6/2000:

Spanking in general is a "touchy" subject. A hand spanking on the bottom which poses no threat or endangerment to the child, should not be considered child abuse. Many times as a professional, I have seen first hand situations in which children were removed from the home, needlessly. On the other hand, I've had cases in which the children needed to be removed from the home, yet social services took NO action. Some days I've gone around and around with them on the phone, trying to justify why they should take action. I am suppose to be the trained expert, yet I have to justify myself and prove to them that a situation is life threatening. Some days I want to pull my hair out about this very issue. It is frustrating to say the least. I know these workers have too much work to do and are underpaid, yet it is not surprising to me that because of poor management and poor training that many children die. I didn't mean to get on my SOAPBOX, but this issue haunts me. Generally, spanking with an open hand on the bottom is not considered child abuse. Some experts argue though, that other options should be considered (talking, time-out, etc.) Some say no physical punishment whatsoever. I think it is interesting though that the majority of people whom I've heard with these views, rarely have kids. Hence, it's so easy then for them to say that, they never have to deal with it personally. I have a daughter whom I have spanked and I was surely spanked. I think I turned out alright as I'm sure she will too. Child abuse laws can be very confusing and different states have different laws. I think good old common sense tells us what is reasonable and what isn't. The problem is...so seldom do we see that anymore....good old common sense, that is. Hope this helps---as stated earlier, it's a "touchy" and "political" issue. I hope everything works out for your friend. Thank you for caring! courtneysmom

courtneysmom gave this follow-up answer on 3/7/2000:

You're very welcome. I don't want to beat this horse to death, but I've been thinking about this some more and just wanted to add some things. OK? All children need limits. Discipline is the second most important thing we can give our children, after love. The meaning of discipline should be teaching, not punishment. We live in such a violent culture today we do not want to perpetuate the message that violence will be tolerated. I still believe in the matter of spanking that using good judgement is not child abuse, but again, common sense has to be employed here. As parents, we walk a tightrope between being too permissive and too strict. Some things are non-negotiable though. What if we see a child about to burn herself on a hot stove and we are so frightened we slap her hands a little too hard and it leaves red marks, is this child abuse or child protection? When safety's at stake, removing a child from a dangerous situation is our priority. Every child has individual personalities and temperament. We, as parents must get to know what works for our kids and what doesn't. Hopefully, with a bit of education and a lot of common sense we make good choices in our parenting role. Thanks for your feedback!

The average rating for this answer is 5.

Anonymous rated this answer a 5.

Thank you so much for your input.