katfish asked this question on 3/5/2000:

My current girlfriend of 6 months has a history with her ex of being physically abused. They still live together, as financially it is not feasible for her to move out. It is very difficult for me to not become angry at the situation, and I'm trying to get a better understanding of how she could've, one- endured three years of abuse, and two- what she may be going through now.Perhaps you can help me in this. Also, she has nightmares constantly of people beating her up and is just now realizing to the extent of just how messed up her situation actually wasDo you have any suggestion as to how I can best provide her with the support she needs?

katlev asked for clarification on 3/6/2000: It sounds as if your girlfriend has a longer history of abuse than she has told you about. If she still lives with a man who has abused her for three years but is starting a new relationship with you, it seems as if she feels that abuse is "normal".

If she is interested in stopping the pattern of abuse, she needs to get out of his home NOW.

Let me ask you for a little more information before I go on...

1. How old is she?

2. Does she have any children? If so, what are their ages?

3. Does she work?

4. How far did she go in school?

I will finish my response after I get this other information.

katlev gave this response on 3/6/2000:

There is a book she may want to read - and you can read it too to help understand what abuse is about. It is titled Smart Women, Foolish Choices. There is also a web site for domestic violence http://www.domestic-violence.net/ that looks pretty helpful. Here is another site for men against domestic violence http://www.silcom.com/%7Epaladin/madv/

It is none of my business, but how can someone who is only 25 owe the IRS so much money that she cannot leave a violent situation?

How can you help her? Give her some structure, some deadlines... That she has to find affordable other housing within 60 days. That she must read at least "Smart Women..."

She has too much going for her (including someone who cares - YOU) to stay in this predicament.

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