How to build a nuclear device in your home.

                       Construction project: Atomic Bomb
            The   following   paper   is  taken  from  The   journal   of
        Irreproducible Results,  Volume 25/Number 4/1979.   P.O.  Box 234
        Chicago Heights, Illinois 60411 Subscription's 1 year for $3.70
             1. Introduction
             Worldwide  controversy  has  been  generated  recently  from
        several   court  decisions  in  the  United  States  which   have
        restricted   popular  magazines  from  printing  articles   which
        describe how to make an atomic bomb.  The reason usually given by
        the courts is that national security would be compromised if such
        information were generally available.   But, since it is commonly
        known  that all of the information is publicly available in  most
        major  metropolitan libraries,  obviously the court's  officially
        stated  position is covering up a more important factor;  namely,
        that  such  atomic  devices would prove  too  difficult  for  the
        average  citizen to construct.   The United States courts  cannot
        afford  to insult the vast majorities by insinuating that they do
        not have the intelligence of a cabbage,  and thus the  "official"
        press releases claim national security as a blanket restriction.
          The  rumors  that have unfortunately occurred as  a  result  of
        widespread  misinformation can (and must) be cleared up now,  for
        the  construction  project this month is the  construction  of  a
        thermonuclear   device,   which  will  hopefully  clear  up   any
        misconceptions you might have about such a project.   We will see
        how  easy  it  is to make a device of your very own in  ten  easy
        steps,  to  have  and  hold as  you  see  fit,  without  annoying
        interference from the government or the courts.
          The  project  will  cost between $5,000  and  $30,000  dollars,
        depending  on how fancy you want the final product to be.   Since
        last week's column,  "Let's Make a Time Machine", was received so
        well  in the new step-by-step format,  this month's  column  will
        follow the same format.
        2. Construction Method
        1.  First,  obtain  about  50  pounds (110 kg) of  weapons  grade
        Plutonium  at your local supplier (see Note 1).  A nuclear  power
        plant  is  not  recommended,   as  large  quantities  of  missing
        Plutonium tends to make plant engineers unhappy.  We suggest that
        you  contact  your local terrorist organization,  or perhaps  the
        Junior Achievement in your neighborhood.
        2.   Please  remember that Plutonium,  especially  pure,  refined
        Plutonium,  is somewhat dangerous.  Wash your hands with soap and
        warm  water  after handling the material,  and don't  allow  your
        children  or  pets  to  play in it or  eat  it.   Any  left  over
        Plutonium dust is excellent as an insect repellant.  You may wish
        to  keep the substance in a lead box if you can find one in  your
        local junk yard, but an old coffee can will do nicely.
        3.  Fashion together a metal enclosure to house the device.  Most
        common  varieties  of sheet metal can be bent  to  disguise  this
        enclosure as, for example, a briefcase, a lunch pail, or a Buick.
        Do not use tinfoil.
        4.   Arrange the Plutonium into two hemispheral shapes, separated
        by  about  4 cm.   Use rubber cement to hold the  Plutonium  dust
        5.   Now get about 100 pounds (220 kg) of trinitrotoluene  (Tnt).
        Gelignite is much better, but messier to work with.  Your helpful
        hardware man will be happy to provide you with this item.
        6.  Pack the Tnt around the hemisphere arrangement constructed in
        step  4.   If  you cannot find Gelignite,  feel free to  use  Tnt
        packed  in  with Playdo or any modeling clay.   Colored  clay  is
        acceptable, but there is no need to get fancy at this point.
        7.   Enclose the structure from step 6 into the enclosure made in
        step  3.   Use  a  strong glue such as "Crazy Glue" to  bind  the
        hemisphere   arrangement   against  the  enclosure   to   prevent
        accidental  detonation  which  might  result  from  vibration  or
        8.   To detonate the device, obtain a radio controlled (Rc) servo
        mechanism,  as  found  in Rc model airplanes and  cars.   With  a
        modicum of effort,  a remote plunger can be made that will strike
        a  detonator cap to effect a small explosion.   These  detonatior
        caps can be found in the electrical supply section of your  local
        supermarket.   We  recommend  the "Blast-O-Mactic" brand  because
        they are no deposit-no return.
        9.   Now  hide  the  completed  device  from  the  neighbors  and
        children.  The garage is not recommended because of high humidity
        and the extreme range of temperatures experienced there.  Nuclear
        devices  have  been  known to  spontaneously  detonate  in  these
        unstable  conditions.   The hall closet or under the kitchen sink
        will be perfectly suitable.
        10.   Now  you  are the proud owner of  a  working  thermonuclear
        device!   It  is a great ice-breaker at parties,  and in a pinch,
        can be used for national defense.
        3. Theory Of Operation
           The  device basically works when the detonated Tnt  compresses
        the  Plutonium  into a critical mass.   The  critical  mass  then
        produces  a  nuclear chain recation similar to the  domino  chain
        reaction  (discussed  in  this column,  "Dominos on  the  March",
        March,  1968).   The chain reaction then promptly produces a  big
        thermonuclear  reaction.   And  there you have it,  a 10  megaton
        4. Next Month's Column
           In  next  month's  column,  we will learn how  to  clone  your
        neighbor's wife in six easy steps.   This project promises to  be
        an  exciting  weekend  full of fun and  profit.   Common  kitchen
        utensils will be all you need.  See you next month!
        5. Notes
           1. Plutonium (Pu), atomic number 94, is a radioactive metallic
        element  formed  by  the decay of Neptunium  and  is  similar  in
        chemical structure to Uranium, Saturnium, Jupiternium, and Marsipan.
        6. Previous Month's Columns
           1. Let's Make Test Tube Babies! May, 1979
           2. Let's Make a Solar System! June, 1979
           3. Let's Make a Economic Recession! July, 1979
           4. Let's Make an Anti-Gravity Machine! August, 1979
           5. Let's Make Contact with an Alien Race! September, 1979
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