ENLIGHTMENT QUIZ

The following is a rest of your level of enlightnment.  Score one point for 
each correct answer, subtract one point for each wrong answer.  Add your 
total number of right answers to the total number of wrong answers, divide 
by the total number of questions on the test, then wonder why you've tried 
to follow it this far. 

Select the answer which best completes the following statements:

1.   Yin and .........
     A) Yout   B) Tonic   C) Yenta    D) Yang

2.   A Zen koan is ........
     A) Jewish Buddist  B) All of the above   C) None of the above
     D) None of the above

3.   Just before total God-realization I would see.......
     A) A blue pearl   B) Nothing   C) Everything   D) How would I know?

4)   Lao-Tsu is.......
     A) Shrimp with fried rice          B) The Atman Brothers
     C) A Japanese word for sneeze      D) One of the above

5)   Jivatman and Atman merge to become.......
     A) Jivatmanatman                   B) The Atmnn Brithers
     C) Jivatman & Atman Inc.           D) Mr & Mrs Atman

6)   The word or words which best describes the relationship of God, Guru 
     And Self is.......
     A) Oneness                         B) Twoness
     C) Penpalness                      D) Just good friends

7)   Which of the following is not a name of the Lord?
     A) Jehova   B) Elohim   C) Yahweh   D) Charlton Heston

8)   If you swap a Swami with a Yogi you get.......
     A) A Swogi    B) A Salami   C) Yogurt   D) Heartburn

9)   Carlos Castaneda is:
     A) a flamingo dancer               B) A resort near San Juan
     C) The 2nd baseman for             D) The gutarist for Santana
        The LA Dodgers

10)  Om Mani Padme means:
     A) O manny, pardon my home         B) Money talks, nobody walks in
     C) It u cn rd ths msg u cn            Sanskrit
        Gt a gd jb                      D) Never having to say you're

11) The sound of one hand clapping is:
    A) Very quiet            B) similar to smiling with one lip
    C) A Zen record shop     D) Like the "p" in swimming

12) Linguine is to fettucine as kundalini is to :
    A) Eenie meenie      B) Halloweenie    C) Harry Houdini
    D) Pepto Bismol (this is a silly answer)

13) The Tao Te Ching is:
    A) The new premier of China    B) A new record by Cheech and Chong
    C) I Ching's older brother     D) A massage parlor in Tokyo

14) You arrive at a party and your host says, "Far out, I want to take 
    the responsibility for creating space in your universe so you can
    experience your experience." He means:
    A) "Have a good time"     B) "Don't eat the Sweedish meatballs"
    C) "I just completed est training" D) Nothing anyone would understand

15) If three devotees can meditate for a total of nine hours, how many
    devotes would it take to mow the lawn?

16) If three devotees can mow the lawn in one hour, how many stoned devo-
    tees would it take to meditate until nobody cared?

17) If shakti was rising toward the fourth chakra at a rate of 3.5 
    pranayamas per second, and at the same time an energy force was
    traveling in the opposite direction at a rate of 4.8 pranayams
    per second, what time would it be in Chicago if we woke up in
    Los Angles?


_______Ramakrishna is a cereal made with rice and maple flavoring.

_______Satori is better than nirnana and samadhi except on weekends
       and holodays.

_______Sufi dancing is like square dancing only rounder.

_______The Tibetan Book of the Dead is a novel by Harold Robbins.


0-5 points:   You are hopelessly attached to the wheel of life and
              death. Try again next incarnation!

6-10 points   You are largely unconscious and stuck in worldly pleasures

10-15 points  You are so-so on the enlightment scale. Keep reading the
              New Sun.

15-20 points  You are a very conscious being; with a little good karma
              you could go a long way.

20-25 points  You are very close to God-realization--early November at
              the latest.