FidoNews 4-44                Page 14                  30 Nov 1987


        The famous Enterprise/Road Runner Encounter Story


[ Is the author of this one around? Come and claim credit -Ed]

         ...Let us suppose that the Enterprise is doing some sort
         of research  mission to an  unknown planet. I  think the
         Captains Log would be worth a look:

Captain's Log,  Stardate 54324.5: Starfleet Command  has directed
the Enterprise to  do a preliminary exploration of  planet --- in
advance of a  full research team. Scanners  report the atmosphere
to  be  breathable, but  are  recieving  confusing readings  with
regard to  life forms.  I am  beaming down  with a  landing party
composed of all our chief officers except for poor Scotty.

Supplement: Redshirt Riley has received a head injury, apparently
while exploring under a high  rock shelf. He reports only hearing
a loud sound  and jumping before being  struck. After examination
by Dr. McCoy he has been judged capable of continuing duty.

Supplement: We have encountered an alien creature on this planet.
While it does  not itself seem menacing,  a unfortunate occurance
took place  when it was  present. Specifically, on my  orders Lt.
Sulu withdrew his phaser. The creature disappeared leaving a puff
of smoke, immediately following which a loud noise was heard next
to Sulu. Sulu fired, hitting  Ens. Chekov. Oddly enough, although
Sulu's weapon  was set to  stun, Chekov  was also covered  with a
black powder  similar to soot. Mr.  Chekov has been sent  back to
the ship for examination and quarantine.

Stardate  54326.2,   Mr.  Spock  reporting:   Tricorder  readings
indicate that  the creature we encountered  earlier is constantly
moving at  great speed over  the surface  of the planet.  We have
encountered the  creature once again.  In an attempt to  slow the
creature  for study,  I attempted  to fire  on it.  The creature,
however,  appeared   to  move   faster  than  the   phaser  beam.
Regretfully, the  beam struck  an outcropping  of rock  above the
Captain's head,  causing it  to break off  and fall.  Although it
appears that several  tons of rock fell squarely  on the Captain,
he  was  driven  straight  into the  ground  but  apparently  not
seriously injured, though stunned. The Captain has been beamed up
to Sickbay, leaving me in command of the research party.

Captain's Log, Stardate  54342.1: The creature is  still at large
on  the planet  surface.  While  Mr. Spock  continues  to lead  a
research party I  am currently at work with Mr.  Scott on an Acme
Pressure Cooker  for our  lab, for when  the creature  is finally
apprehended.

Captain's Log, stardate 54342.3. The strange occurences that have
dogged the  landing party since  our arrival at this  planet have
led  me to  believe that  the creature  is in  some way  directly
responsible for  them. Mr. Chekov  and I have both  been declared
fit  for return  to duty,  though Dr.  McCoy has  entered in  his
medical log  that he feels  we should be kept  under observation.
Mr. Spock  has constructed a  device which he suspects  should be
able to counteract the creature's incredible speed as follows: We
have placed  a dish  of birdseed  out in  the open,  with several
signs pointing to it. The dish  is atop a cleverly concealed trap
door, which will  open when any weight falls on  it. The creature
will then  travel a slide,  eventually being deposited in  a cage
constructed of  sheets of transparent  aluminum. We will  then be
free to  analyze it at  our leisure. Meanwhile, I  have forbidden
all beaming down to the surface of the planet except on my or Mr.
Spock's direct order.

Captain's Log,  supplemental. The  plan failed. The  creature was
indeed lured by  the birdseed, as expected. It sped  to the dish,
consumed the bait, and sped off without setting off the trap. Mr.
Spock is  as puzzled as  I, and has  begun tests to  discover the
flaw in the  design. I have sent out three  search parties to see
if we can box the creature in, one headed by Mr. Sulu, one by Mr.
Chekov, and one by Sociologist Xontel.

Captain's  Log, stardate  54342.8.  Sociologist  Xontel has  been
temporarily incapacitated.  In pursuing the creature,  he and his
men somehow managed to cross the place where Mr. Spock's trap was
set just  as he  completed the  corrections to  it. The  trap was
sprung, and  all four of  my men were  suspended for a  moment in
mid-air,  puzzled,  just  before  they  fell  into  the  cage  we
constructed. We are  now trying to release them  with phasers, as
the lock was inadvertently smashed by the impact from Sociologist
Xontel's foot  as he fell. I  consider this a major  setback. Mr.
Spock considers it "fascinating."

Captain's Log,  stardate 54343.4. In  an all-out attempt  to stop
the creature once  and for all, I have had  a phaser rifle beamed
down  from  the  Enterprise.  The  creature  has  behaved  in  an
extremely cunning manner, yet I am  unsure whether this is a sign
of actual  intelligence. Lt. Uhura  has been unsuccessful  in her
attempts to raise Starfleet Command. Meanwhile, Mr. Scott informs
me that our  dilithium crystals are deteriorating  at an alarming
rate. He has juryrigged a system  that will prevent the decay for
a time, but it is imperative that we find new crystals soon.

Captain's  Log,  supplemental.  Mr.   Sulu  reports  high  energy
tricorder  readings from  an  area  of the  planet  in which  the
creature has  not yet been sighted.  He has taken a  small party,
including Mr.  Spock, to the  high-elevation spot from  which the
readings  emanate.  I  have   begun  to  analyze  the  creature's
movements.  It seems  to  travel consistently  over  a set  path.
Perhaps we  can corner it  in a tunnel  it seems to  pass through
frequently.

Captain's Log, stardate 54344.7. Mr.  Sulu has located a cache of
ACME  dilithium crystals  atop a  high cliff.  Regretfully, while
collecting them, the edge of the  cliff broke off, and he and Mr.
Spock  plummetted  several  hundred  feet to  the  ground  below.
Strangely enough, they  both survived the fall with  no more than
raising a  cloud of dust  on impact,  although they did  pass the
chunk of  rock on the  way down and  end up completely  buried. A
rescue excavation has commenced, and they should be safe shortly.

Captain's Log, stardate  54344.9. Mr. Spock has beamed  up to the
ship with them  to assist Mr. Scott in their  installation, as he
forsees compatability problems. Back on the planet's surface, Mr.
Chekov led seven men into the tunnel in an attempt to capture the
creature  in transit.  A loud  BEEP, BEEP  was heard,  and Chekov
aimed the  phaser rifle and  commanded his  men to spread  out. I
wish to state  for the record that I would  have acted similarly,
and that Ensign  Chekov should in no way be  held responsible for
the  unfortunate   circumstances  arising  from   the  unexpected
appearance  of an  old  Earth-style freight  train.  He has  been
beamed back up to the ship with minor injuries.

Captain's Log, stardate 54345.1. Dr. McCoy has beamed down with a
hypo containing a mixture of kyranide, tri-ox compound, Scalosian
concentrate,  a theragram  derivative,  and some  other items  he
found in  unmarked containers  in Sickbay.  By injecting  a small
amount into each  member of the landing party, I  hope to be able
to deal with the creature on its own high speed terms.

Captain's Log,  supplemental. The latest experiment  to deal with
the strange  creature has  failed. As Dr.  McCoy was  injecting a
measured dose  of the compound,  it abruptly appeared  behind him
and  uttered  a  loud   BEEP,  BEEP!  Dr.  McCoy,  understandably
flustered, accidentally  pressured in the entire  contents of the
hypo into  his arm. A  full security team  is in pursuit  of him,
waiting for the effects of the drug to wear off.

Captain's Log, stardate 54345.2. I have ordered the landing party
transported back  to the  ship. The  new dilithium  crystals have
been successfully  installed. On  my responsibility, the  ship is
preparing to  engage main phasers  to attack the  creature, which
continues on its semi-erratic course across the planet's surface.

Captain's  Log, supplemental.  This  is a  warning  to all  other
starships that  may pass this  way. Do not approach  this planet!
The illogical events occuring here  are too much to overcome with
simple science. If  you have heard the events  transcribed in the
rest of  this log, you  will learn  that this creature  is nearly
undefeatable. We channelled full  ship's power through the phaser
banks. Theoretically,  the creature  should have  been destroyed;
however, the energies were too much strain for the ACME crystals.
The full  force of  the phasers  backlashed over  the Enterprise,
engulfing her  completely. At  first, the only  noticeable effect
was a complete failure of  all systems save emergency gravity and
life  support. Then  a  web  of black  lines  spread through  the
Enterprise's superstructure.  Next, the  ship began  breaking up,
piece by  piece, falling  through the atmosphere  to land  on the
surface of the  planet. When the ship had  collapsed entirely, my
crew was left hanging in space for a short time, and finally each
of us began to  fall to the planet below. We  have no theories on
how any of us survived, but every crewmember has reported nothing
more than a sense of uneasiness, followed by the realization that
they  were  several  hundred  miles  up in  the  air,  a  sinking
sensation,  and then  a gradual  drop: first  the feet,  then the
body, and finally the head, usually wearing a resigned expression
of  perplexion. We  are attempting  now to  communicate with  the
creature in the hopes that  it will prove intelligent. Perhaps we
can  communicate our  peaceful intentions  to it.  Mr. Spock  has
constructed  a crude  rocket launcher  from the  wreckage of  the
ship, and with  this we hope to send the  recorder marker up into
space, where  hopefully someone  will find  it. Captain  James T.
Kirk,  of  the  United  Federation of  Planets,  Captain  of  the
Starship Enterprise, recording.


--    Edited by Brad Templeton
      Send jokes to {cbosgd,watmath}!looking!funny