Dieting Under Stress

This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds
up during the day.
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BREAKFAST
---------
1/2 Grapefruit
1 Slice Whole Wheat Toast, dry
8 oz. Skim Milk

LUNCH
-----
4 oz. Lean Broiled Chicken Breast
1 Cup Steamed Spinach
1 Cup Herb Tea
1 Oreo Cookie

MIDAFTERNOON SNACK
------------------
Rest of the Oreos in the package
2 Pints Rocky Road Ice Cream
1 Jar Hot Fudge Sauce
Nuts, Cherries, Whipped Cream

DINNER
------
2 Loaves Garlic Bread with Cheese
Large Sausage, Mushroom & Cheese Pizza
4 Cans or 1 Large Pitcher of Beer
3 Milky Way or Snickers Candy Bars

LATE EVENING NEWS SNACK
-----------------------
Entire Frozen Cheesecake Eaten Directly from Freezer

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                       RULES FOR THIS DIET

1.   If you eat something and no one sees  you eat  it, it  has no
     calories.

2.   If you  drink a  diet soda  with a candy bar, the calories in
     the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.

3.   When you eat with someone else,  calories don't  count if you
     don't eat more than they do.

4.   Food  used  for  medicinal  purposes,  such as hot chocolate,
     brandy, toast, and Sara Lee Cheesecake, NEVER count.

5.   If you fatten up everyone  else  around  you,  then  you look
     thinner.

6.   Movie-related  foods,  such  as  Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn,
     Junior Mints,  Red  Hots,  and  Tootsie  Rolls,  do  not have
     additional  calories  because  they  are  part  of the entire
     entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.

7.   Cookie pieces contain NO calories.   The process  of breaking
     causes calorie leakage.

8.   Things licked  off of  knives and  spoons have no calories if
     you are in the process  of  preparing  something.   Examples:
     Peanut Butter  on a knife making a sandwich, and ice cream on
     a spoon making a sundae.

9.   Foods that have  the  same  color  have  the  same  number of
     calories.    Examples  are  spinach  and pistachio ice cream,
     mushrooms  and  white  chocolate.    NOTE:   Chocolate  is  a
     universal  color  and  may  be substituted for any other food
     color.