Well, Battlefield Earth and Scientology do have something very much in common THEY ARE BOTH WORSE THAN YOU THINK!
All articles are available on the indvidual newspapers websites, enjoy these snippets:
Urls for sites work from
http://www.lermanet.com/reference/BatEarthfaq.htm
Washington Post: The Launch of a Star Vehicle That Explodes in Laughter: Generally, Hollywood executives are relieved when their movies are screened for the first time and hilarious laughter erupts from the audience. But not when the movie isn't a comedy.
"Battlefield Earth," John Travolta's epic, expensive and bizarre science fiction film based on a book by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, was greeted with guffaws and shrieks and hoots of ridicule from an audience of entertainment journalists, critics and others at a packed theater in Century City earlier this week.
NY Times : The film is stocked with evil aliens who, in their padded body stockings, plastic armorlike fittingsand matted hair extensions, resemble nothing so much as members of GWAR, the metal-rock parodists that Beavis and Butt-head loved. It may be a bit early to make such judgments, but "Battlefield Earth" may well turn out to be the worst movie of this century.
Los Angeles Times A Case of Saturn Night Fever? "Battlefield Earth" is set in the year 3000, but stuck in the 1970s--and not in any hip, retro way......It’s an embarrassing performance that begs the question, "What was he thinking?" .......In the post-apocalyptic adventure genre,"Battlefield Earth" makes "Waterworld" look like a masterpiece.
Roger Ebert Reviews Battlefield Earth one half star."Battlefield Earth" is like taking a bus trip with someone who has needed a bath for a long time. It's not merely bad; it's unpleasant in a hostile way.........This movie is awful in so many different ways. Even the opening titles are cheesy. Sci-fi epics usually begin with a stab at impressive titles, but this one just displays green letters on the screen in a type font that came with my Macintosh. Then the movie's subtitle unscrolls from left to right in the kind of "effect" you see in home movies.........I watched it in mounting gloom, realizing I was witnessing something historic, a film that for decades to come will be the punch line of jokes about bad movies.
GreenwichVillageGazette "Okay folks, we've got a winner for worst film of the year, and the year isn't even half over yet" "Unless you like bad movies, stay the heck away from this film! If you like bad films, wait until it hits the second runs and remember to take drugs beforehand."
Variety ''Battlefield'' wreckage : "Pic could reap OK coin, given its heavy marketing push and turbo-actionnature, but there may not be enough undiscriminating young male viewersin the world to recoup costs. There's also another hurdle: contrary toprior evidence, it is possible to make a popcorn pic too dumb for thepeanut gallery."......"For the record, ``Battlefield'' does not constitute Dianetics guru Hubbard's first screen credit: Long before he founded the Church of Scientology, the then-struggling pulp writer had a hand in penning several late-1930s Poverty Row serials (''The Secret of Treasure Island,'' ``The Spider Returns''). If only Hollywood knew then what we know now."
Austin American-Statesman: 'Battlefield' should be extinct - The holographic captive alien in the trailer for 'Battlefield Earth'is enough to keep anyone from seeing the actual film. Yet, there may still be those unfortunate souls curious enough to see L. Ron Hubbard's works on the big screen. (Hint: the movie doesn't offer much more than its marketing ploy). ..........Sadly, after a while, even the most 'touching' scenes become a joke with such lines as, "I don't believe in fate, but I've always known this was your destiny."
MrShowbiz- The movie gets sillier as it goes, building to a supremely silly climax that includes loincloth-wearing savages piloting unaccountably pristine United States Air Force fighter jets (don't ask) and gratingly obnoxious soaring soundtrack cues.
Christian Science Monitor "It's like another awful "Planet of the Apes" sequel."
2nd Washington Post : A million monkeys with a million crayons would be hard-pressed in a million years to create anything as cretinous as "Battlefield Earth." This film version of L. Ron Hubbard's futuristic novel is so breathtakingly awful in concept and execution, it wouldn't tax the smarts of a troglodyte. And when it comes to star John Travolta's performance, well, hammy William Shatner's hairpiece is more convincing.
Minneapolis Star-Tribune Let's hope he can write it off as a religious contribution, because the outlook for recouping his investment is not good.
Boston Herald Planet L. Ron: What on Earth was John Travolta thinking? "I didn't detect any hidden messages in the film, only the pungent aroma of a stink bomb of colossal proportions."
St. Louis Post Dispatch "Battlefield Earth" * 1/2 (out of four) - "Battlefield Earth" is a mediocre mess : .....Also, the liberties taken with common sense and physical law - even though we know it is mandatory to suspend disbelief for these types of movies - are atrocious. "
Chicago Tribune: "Bringing L. Ron Hubbard's "Battlefield Earth" to the big screen (and starring in it) wasn't a good idea.""Scientology or not, the movie is a battlefield bummer that makes you want to revolt. "
Arizona Daily Star: "Some movies just beg the question: "What were they thinking?" ""Battlefield Earth" is so laughably bad that it makes the Kevin Costner boon doggles "Waterworld" and "The Postman" look sophisticated in comparison. ""But perhaps the most unfortunate thing about it is that it can't be ridiculed on the now-canceled "Mystery Science Theater 3000."
Salon.com "Everybody in the film, in short, looks like they know where to find truly excellent weed." ........"In the larger scheme of things, no crimes were committed here; next summer, after you've worn out your DVDs of "Wing Commander" and the "Mortal Kombat" movies, you might rent this and decide it's not the worst movie you've ever seen. "
Arizona Republic: This is how the world ends. Not with a bang, but with a stinker........On the other hand, since Travolta produced this loser, you have to wonder if he doesn't have a screw loose somewhere.
Washington Post: "But hey, let's cut to the chase: We're talking "Ishtar of the Apes.""
Miami Herald: Rating * of **** ; 'Battlefield Earth' falls flat and hard : "It was at that point that a recent preview audience gave up altogether and started laughing openly at the movie. It's a telling sign that none of the advance newspaper ads for Battlefield Earth have carried the ubiquitous "It rocks!" blurbs from easily-rocked critics. Instead, the ads invite you to buy a ticket to the film, then use your stub to enter a $100,000 sweepstakes. Canny marketing or sheer desperation?.."
E-Online "Travolta is only intermittently engaging as the chief imperial alien, and the FX, while passable, can't improve the flavor of this cinematic vat of cheese."
Seattle Post-Intelligencer Logic is the big loser as humans fight for freedom in 'BattlefieldEarth' Heart, soul and courage will get you only so far -- what you really need is an enemy so stupid they invite their own demise. And a few Harrier jets don't hurt either.
Pittsburg Post-Gazette "'Battlefield Earth' is big, dumb, loud and funny for all the wrong reasons " "Battlefield Earth" may be the silliest movie I've ever seen "
Detroit Free Press: "Everything about "Battlefield Earth," from the incoherent storytelling to the sub-comic book-style dialogue to its parade of unconvincing digital effects stinks of moldy cheese, yet the movie has not a whiff of irony. "
Albuquerque Tribune:"The first 30 minutes of "Battlefield Earth" are as bad as any bad 30 minutes I've ever seen in a movie. "
Contra Costa Times: "RATING: 1/2 star out of 4 stars 'Battlefield Earth' a sci-fi disaster...THE GREAT THING about "Battlefield Earth" is that you can leave at any time. " .."By the time the excruciatingly long video-game-inspired climax plays out, it's clear you have just witnessed the biggest folly of Travolta's career. "
Kansas City Star: RATING: 1 out of 4 stars Futuristic `Battlefield Earth' doesn't even work as a spoof : .."But surely if proselytization was on the agenda Travolta and company could have come up with something better than this -- two cliche-riddled hours of lackluster melodrama unlikely to keep the attention even of an undemanding 10-year-old. "
Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel Clarity, meaning left in rubble of 'Battlefield Earth': Travolta laughs maniacally throughout, to denote that his 9-foot-tall, dreadlocked character is the villain. But the laugh is on him. The film flatters neither the book nor Scientology, which is aluminum-foiled once again. Providence Journal Some have feared that Battlefield Earth will serve as a recruitment device for the Church of Scientology. They needn't have worried. Once word gets around, this stinker won't be long in theaters.
Ft.Lauderdale Sun Sentinel: Battlefield Earth a low-budget `Star Snores' : "When the hero, his people and his quest for freedom are featured, inspirational music is played that sounds not unlike that of Scientology TV commercials -- or very naïve Sunday school movies."
The Diamondback: On the other hand, when reviewing Battlefield Earth, it is hard to forget that L. Ron Hubbard has numerous die-hard followers who, in the event of a bad review, would be only too happy to come by the reviewer's apartment and explain exactly why Battlefield Earth is better than Citizen Kane, possibly using clubs.
Wash.Post -05-12: The Family Filmgoer: Teens likely will be unable to stay awake, let alone make any sense outof this flat-footed sci-fi epic. .......Full of holes and mighty cheesy is "Battlefield Earth."
New Times LA Another bad review: After all, the end product is a good deal more entertaining than the original novel. Especially when a Hubbard's Machiavellian nine-foot-tall Sasquatch-like alien antagonist is somehow interpreted by the filmmakers as John Travolta decked out like a gay Conehead with Rob Zombie hair, in KISS platform boots (one of the aliens even demonstrates a tongue that would put Gene Simmons to shame).
St. Paul Pioneer Press: "Which leaves Kelly Preston to take acting honors with her one-scene, dirty-joke performance as a harlot. She's a hoot and, since she only sticks around for about three minutes of "Battlefield Earth," she comes off as the smartest person around."
Film.com-05-12: Review I - A Dismal Epic For all the apparent differences, however, life is still a series of bureaucratic frustrations and thwarted ambitions. This is what we learn from Battlefield Earth, a dismal sci-fi epic that recalls the tired-blood landscapes of Saturn 3 and Solar babies. Characters and references flash by without set-up or follow-through, adding to the generally incoherent nature of the thing.
Film.com-05-12: Review II - Bombs Away In the pantheon of cinematic train wrecks, from Ishtar to Waterworld, set a place at the table for Battlefield Earth -- a bewildering stew of scenery-chewing acting, special-effects overload and contorted storytelling that has to be seen to be believed....
New York Post 'EARTH' IS TERRA-BLE: EARTH to John Travolta - you've got a Y3K problem! It's called "Battlefield Earth," a truly dire and silly rehash of "Planet of the Apes," derived from a novel by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard........ Warner Bros. is trying to lure audiences for "Battlefield Earth" with a "Take Back the Planet" contest, offering a grand prize of $100,000. It ain't enough.
RoughCut-05-12: Review (BE worth $ 1.50) Don't see this movie, or you'll be at the devious beck and call of Barbarino! Don't buy that Battlefield Earth toy, lest you inadvertently assist in inancing Scientology's covert plans for world domination! If those squeaky reactionaries had only waited for the film to be released, they'd have realized the only danger in seeing this film is in busting a gut at its unintentional hilarity.
Nuvo-05-12: Review - A New LOW - NO STAR .....Every so often a movie comes along that is so overwrought, overacted and overwhelmingly inept that it must be seen to be believed. Gloriousdisasters like Valley of the Dolls, Mommie Dearest, Road House and Showgirls. And now comes Battlefield Earth, the newest entry to the Grade Z Hall of Fame.
Tampa Tribune: Even by the dubious standard of ""aliens conquer Earth'' movies, ""Battlefield Earth'' is just awful....
Saratosa Observer "Battlefield Earth': When plots collide :""Battlefield Earth," despite imaginative costume design and impressive special effects, is a real snoozer, characterized by wooden acting, sappy melodrama and illogical plot lines. "
Charlotte Observer 'Battlefield' dearth "The final battle is the most incoherent I've seen in months; it makes the conflicts in "Gladiator" look as carefully mapped out as the invasion of Normandy."
The Montgomery Advertiser NO STARS "BATTLEFIELD EARTH" 'Battlefield Earth' a laughably inept big-budget sci-fi bomb.......Memory fails to summon the name of a movie as ludicrous and unintentionally funny as "Battlefield Earth," John Travolta's act of career hubris in service to the late Scientology crackpot, L. Ron Hubbard. Adapted from Hubbard's unreadable sludgepile of a novel.....
Arizona Access: "Verdict: The first few moments of the film evoke heroism and noble struggle. After that, it's Grade A drivel. "
San Jose Mercury News RATING: 1-1/2 out of 4 stars Patrick Tatopoulos (``Jumanji,'' [of] ``Independence Day'') designed the Psychlos, who, with their impressive manes of braided hair and profuse eyebrows, should be belching reggae, not death threats. These guys are regular Rasta-Klingons. Newsweek : The second, and hopefully last, of John Travolta's Scientology movies, "Battlefield Earth," like "Phenomenon," is religious propaganda masquerading as sci-fi fun..... The message isthat learning and mental clarity are the way to humanity's salvation;coincidentally, Scientology believes the same thing. ......there is nothing to recommend in this tedious,cheaply made dirge. The dialogue is inane, the acting wooden, and Roger Christian's directing choices are a lesson in sci-fi film cliché.
11th Hour Scifientology fails to convert: Oh, man. What a let down. Now I know it seems unlikely that one could be so disappointed bysomething for which one had, really, no expectations to begin with, but Battlefield Earth managed to achieve the impossible. .......Battlefield Earth resembles nothing so much as what a bunch of ten-year-olds would create if given some Star Wars knock-off action figures, a videocamera, and heavy pharmaceuticals. The Jehovah's Witnesses have a more subtle and effective method of recruitment.
Fantastic Parody on Battlefield Earth Battlefield Earth Smurf picture. Take back the movies!
from http://www.mrcranky.com/movies/battlefieldearth.html "The only thing I can figure out is that the Church of Scientology decided that they wanted to ensure nobody else joined up. This movie is like watching the Pope accidentally catch on fire while giving Easter Mass. If that's not a time to rethink your spiritual choices, what is?"
from: Cinescape: 'Battlefield Earth' Screener....Instead, Battlefield Earth is easily one of the worst movies made in recent memory, and a prime example of how not to make a movie."
from Movieline by Michael Atkinson... I haven't seen such a laughably incompetent summer movie since summer movies became summer movies some 25 years ago, and that's saying a pant load.
More 'entertaining' reviews at: http://www.aint-it-cool-news.com/display.cgi?id=5915"
and a THANK YOU to BatChild aka Sue M, for collecting all the urls above
http://www.lermanet.com/reference/BatEarthfaq.htm
I'd prefer to die speaking my mind than live fearing to speak. The only thing that always works in scientology are its lawyers The internet is the liberty tree of the 90's http://www.lermanet.com - mentioned 4 January 2000 in The Washington Post's - 'Reliable Source' column re "Scientologist with no HEAD"
