Anonymous asked this question on 3/31/2000:

My son was in his home studying at his desk (junior in college) when the front door burst open and another student (known to him from fraternity) ran in and started beating him. He ran out when he realized there was a girl sitting at the next desk screaming. He went outside and slashed the tires on my son's car. My husband and I called this boy's father who said he would talk with his son and said he would assure us this would never happen again. I called this boy(age 21) who admitted he was wrong, mishandled his anger, didn't offer to apologize or talk things over and refused to see a therapist. I called the father and told him he had two choices: His son would see a therapist of our choice and follow a prescribed treatment plan or I would be going to the District Attorney to file charges. (The father responded that I was being unreasonable and that "boys will be boys"). I don't know if this kid is more than a product of poor parenting skills, no ability to handle his anger, and in denial about his drug and alcohol abuse which I believe contributed to his irrationality. The father agreed to talk it over with his son, but told me I was blowing it up out of proportion. I want to know if this kid is more than a hothead and has a mentally unbalanced state that could lead to further attacks.

clarka gave this response on 3/31/2000:

The aggressor committed burglary (the entry), assault and battery, and malicious mischief with a weapon . . . this is not

clarka gave this follow-up answer on 3/31/2000:

The aggressor committed burglary (the entry), assault and battery, and malicious mischief with a weapon . . . this is not "boys will be boys" and the aggressor's father either has no control over his son or isn't taking the situation seriously. Your attempt to negotiate this matter out of court is more than most people would do, but it was probably seen as intrusive by both father and son. The value of therapy in managing violent behavior is not demonstrable in particular cases, so I would not rely on the aggressor's participation in therapy as a means of preventing future violence.

If you want to deter future attacks through legal process, you should take legal advice (which I am not qualified to give) with an eye towards the filing of criminal charges and/or a civil suit to recover damages. You do have a witness and if you haven't already, you should file a police report and take photographs of any evidence (which your lawyer will advise you on). You may need this later if a second, probably more serious incident occurs.

You may also want to pursue misconduct charges through the university, but you should be aware that these are often taken less than seriously and/or covered up, and that they are much less formal proceedings with much less serious consequences ranging from a warning to expulsion. The same (with greater emphasis on cover-ups) applies to fraternity misconduct proceedings.

What reason did the aggressor give for his attack on your son? In what way (rational or otherwise) was this attack provoked by your son? Was the aggressor drunk or high at the time? What did he say during the attack? Keep in mind that your son may be concealing certain facts from you for personal reasons or out of embarrassment. Without knowing this information my advice is necessarily general. The aggressor could be jealous over a girl (or a guy!), resent some injury or slight your son may have done to him, or have some other (ir)rational motive to do him harm.

It is possible that the attack on your son was "random" in the sense that he just happened to be present when the aggressor was drunk/high/enraged, and thus a convenient target. If so I wouldn't worry that much, and you and your son might want to avoid doing anything that might fixate him on your son, such as filing charges. However, breaking in to beat your son up is a strong indicator the other way. Again, you know the details.

It is more likely that the attack was not random but was in fact motivated. If so, the aggressor is already fixated and you need to communicate clearly and firmly (and legally!) that you expect his violent behavior to stop with reference to your son. If there is any reason to believe that this could happen again, your son should obtain a restraining order against the aggressor and avoid contact with him, particularly out of public view. In particular he should not be allowed to enter your son's on-campus residence. If he is a member of the same fraternity and your son lives in the frat house, one of the two has to go.

In this latter case your son needs to ignore those who would call him a coward (themselves standing at a safe distance, of course) and do what he needs to do to avoid getting seriously hurt or killed. This may involve filing charges, getting in trouble with his fraternity (who should be kicking the aggressor out, if they haven't already), moving to a different place, and enduring what idiots may say to him about it all.

Now I realize that the "manly" thing to do, and what your son probably wants to do if he can, is beat the &@#! out of the aggressor. It is essential not to do this. "He who wrestles with a pig gets muddy." Legally this complicates matters enormously by making fault a question rather than a fact; emotionally this would fixate the aggressor on your son; physically this risks serious injury to one or both.

I infer from the tire-slashing that the aggressor had access to a knife while enraged. If he is in the habit of carrying a weapon, the danger factor for your son increases dramatically. A KNIFE IS DEADLIER THAN A GUN. Young people often don't have an appreciation for the truth of death.

Here's the equation you and your son should think about: an aggressor and a victim in the absence of guardianship equals a crime.

AGGRESSOR + VICTIM - GUARDIANSHIP = CRIME

You've got the aggressor. Guardianship could be witnesses, or a locked door, or good exterior lighting. Guardianship is NOT a weapon of your own, as this can be taken away from you and rammed up your . . . excuse me, a little too earthy there.

Is this guy mentally unbalanced? Maybe, but who cares? Is this guy going to hurt your son, or you? Maybe . . . and that is what you need to care about, very badly. And you wouldn't have asked me if you weren't already thinking along those lines.

Good luck.

The average rating for this answer is 5.