Anonymous asked this question on 3/31/2000:

My son was in his home studying at his desk (junior in college) when the front door burst open and another student (known to him from fraternity) ran in and started beating him. He ran out when he realized there was a girl sitting at the next desk screaming. He went outside and slashed the tires on my son's car. My husband and I called this boy's father who said he would talk with his son and said he would assure us this would never happen again. I called this boy(age 21) who admitted he was wrong, mishandled his anger, didn't offer to apologize or talk things over and refused to see a therapist. I called the father and told him he had two choices: His son would see a therapist of our choice and follow a prescribed treatment plan or I would be going to the District Attorney to file charges. (The father responded that I was being unreasonable and that "boys will be boys"). I don't know if this kid is more than a product of poor parenting skills, no ability to handle his anger, and in denial about his drug and alcohol abuse which I believe contributed to his irrationality. The father agreed to talk it over with his son, but told me I was blowing it up out of proportion. I want to know if this kid is more than a hothead and has a mentally unbalanced state that could lead to further attacks.

jellygator gave this response on 3/31/2000:

I admire your courage and think you are doing exactly the right thing. Violence is so prevalent in our society, and so is codependency. Many parents feel if their kids do something wrong, it attests to their failures as parents. (There's a grain of truth to this, but it isn't always the case.)

It sounds like the boy is not used to taking full responsibility for his actions and that he figures that as long as he says "I'm sorry" then everything is okay. That indicates to me that he will not have any reason to refrain from future violence as long as he can gloss over it with a few simple words.

I would insist on both counseling and that he pay for the tires and any doctor bills (if there are any). If he failed to do this, I would absolutely file charges. In many states, the courts now require anyone convicted (sometimes simply charged with) a violent offense to complete non-violence education at a minimum.

Give a 1-week deadline for the boy to make his decision and require that he have his first session within thirty days. (Contact the prosecuting attorney to make sure that if he takes you up on it and then drops out that it will not prevent you from filing charges!)

Again, I admire your willingness to take a stand in the face of insulting behavior on the part of the father & son. Too bad more people didn't have this kind of common sense and courage. The world might be a safer place if they did...

The average rating for this answer is 4.

Anonymous rated this answer a 4.