Anonymous asked this question on 5/18/2000:
I really don't know where to start? I feel so confused and depressed that i don't know what else to do? I am 23, have a wonderful boyfriend who would do anything for me,and a reception job that pays really well. So, you think that i would be happy, huh. Well, things couldn't be more wrong! Last November my boyfriend and i moved out of state with his construction job so he could have a chance to get promoted. I decided at the time that moving to a big city would be good for me too because there are alot of job opportunities for me.(i had previously gone to radiology school after high school for a year but did not finish due to personal factors from the program instructor, acutally the best move i made by ending the program.) So i thought that my best move would be to start over w/a new job. I have wanted to go back to college but so very unsure of what i want to do. I don't want to make the same mistake by just picking something and hating it again. Plus wasting money on something i decide later on on not doing is stupid. So, we have lived here now for 6months and i have a good reception job and his job is going ok too! problem is is that i am not happy! I miss my famiiy and old town. We are 8hrs away so we visit when we can but i just am not happy with that. I think about down the road and want to raise children one day there w/family and plant my life there. Now my boyfriend wants to travel, live the exciting life and live everywhere! The more and more we talk about my feelings the more depressed i get. I don't know what to do w/the way i feel! I think i want to go back to school before i settle down but then i have no idea what i want to do, none whatsoever!!! I think i should think about myself, but now it is me and him. Our relationship is very serious (we have talked about getting engaged) and i don't want to hurt it by doing someting drastic but i am so sad all the time! At work i feel ok but when i am home i don't want to talk to him and i just sit there and watch tv. I am not mad at him i just don't want to talk to him or do anything. Things change when we go home though, i am happy, alive, and feel different. Does anyone have any advice on how i cope or what i should do next? Thank you for listening to my long story.
~Confused
RainingWords gave this response on 5/19/2000:
HI There, I have faced a similiar situation. My ex-wife(and I stress ex)delt with the same problems.The reason I stressed "ex" is because when you push things or move to fast, things tend to fall apart. My wife when we married was twenty- two. We faced many problems being married because she simply was not ready. She said she was, but really deep down inside she was not. I think you might be in that same situation. You need time for yourself, to discover who you are and what you want from life. You need to either be own your own or talk with your boyfriend and find out if he wants what you want. You may find out that they are not the same things. You should explore these issues now before taking another step. You are twenty-three, take the time to know yourself and what you desire most!
I hope this helps!!! Please feel free to contact me at raining words@cs.com Let me know how things are going. And if you need to talk e-mail me, find me here, or at mental health.net. I tried to help at that site also. I hope the best for you!
Lee