Anonymous asked this question on 5/14/2000:
I'm 42 (f) & have hit a wall in my life. No stranger to depression (& have been ~wrongly I think~ dx'd bipolar2). I'm in a fugue state right now & am avoiding some major issues while pouring all my considerable energy into my business, which is doing very well. However, I am half way through night law school & hating it; wish I had stayed with Plan A, (a PsyD.) I dropped two volunteer positions, one in the court system & one as a rape/crisis counselor, something I had done for 6 years & was proud of. I've been working 80 hours a week with school & business for 2 years, plus volunteering, fixing up an old house & trying to keep connected to friends & family and keeping a relationship with my SO going forward as this is very important to me also. In the last 2 years I have also gone through death & illness in the family & a rather acrimonious divorce. I'm exhausted & overwhelmed & feel like a loser for it. I've always kept my emotional cards close to my chest, and haven't talked with those close to me about this panicky failing feeling. This is wrong, as I have wonderful supportive friends, but I've always been the "strong" one & I suppose don't like to appear otherwise. I have employees relying on me for a paycheck & everyone in my life expecting me to be a winner. Do I try to pick up where I feel I've left off, even though it may not be the right path (the JD)? Run away to Mexico & reinvent myself? I'm sure I know the right answers here. Perhaps I just need to unload, albeit anonymously. I just want to do right by myself & others, & I'm not doing that now. And no, I'm not in counselling, hate the navel gazing. And no, I'm not on meds & hope never to take another mood stabilizer in my life, they flat~line me. And no, finding Jesus won't help this little chickadee.
psychomania gave this response on 5/18/2000:
WHAT IS BIPOLAR II? I HAVE COME ACROSS BIPOLAR DEPRESSION WHICH IS BASICALLY MANIC (THE HIGH POLE) WHERE THE MIND RACES AND YOU TEND TO DO 10 THINGS AT ONCE. YOU WILL GIVE AWAY ALL YOUR WORLDLY POSESSIONS. THEN DEPRESSION (THE LOW POLE)WHERE YOU WANT TO LOCK YOURSELF AWAY FROM THE REST OF THE WORLD. YOU HAVE NO ENERGY AND YOU BASICALLY FEEL LIKE SHIT,AND FEEL LIKE KILLING YOUR SELF. I HAVE LOOKED IN ALL THE PSYCHOLOGY BOOKS IN THE LIBRARY AT MY UNIVERSITY AND CANNOT FIND ANY MENTION OF BIPOLAR II. YOURS SINCERELY, PSYCHOMANIA.
Anonymous asked this follow-up question on 5/18/2000:
Bipolar 2 is basically bipolar, with the depression but not the EXTREME highs, which can include psychotic episodes. I know there's alot of information on the 'net about bipolar 2. I am generally a very "hyper" person, I always have been. I think I'm a hyper person who gets clinically depressed, just like you described. I call it being in the black lake, I know just what you mean. I do tend to do at least two things at once whenever possible, & find it hard to watch TV or anything requiring "just sitting." However, I don't think I have had any negative consequenses from being hyper, I just think it makes me able to acheive alot of things! That's why I don't really consider myself bipolar 2. It's a relatively new diagnosis, you may need to read some fairly current books to get info about it. I know its in the latest DSM...Try going to the ApA (American Psychological Association) website, that would be a good place to start!