Anonymous asked this question on 5/18/2000:

I really don't know where to start? I feel so confused and depressed that i don't know what else to do? I am 23, have a wonderful boyfriend who would do anything for me,and a reception job that pays really well. So, you think that i would be happy, huh. Well, things couldn't be more wrong! Last November my boyfriend and i moved out of state with his construction job so he could have a chance to get promoted. I decided at the time that moving to a big city would be good for me too because there are alot of job opportunities for me.(i had previously gone to radiology school after high school for a year but did not finish due to personal factors from the program instructor, acutally the best move i made by ending the program.) So i thought that my best move would be to start over w/a new job. I have wanted to go back to college but so very unsure of what i want to do. I don't want to make the same mistake by just picking something and hating it again. Plus wasting money on something i decide later on on not doing is stupid. So, we have lived here now for 6months and i have a good reception job and his job is going ok too! problem is is that i am not happy! I miss my famiiy and old town. We are 8hrs away so we visit when we can but i just am not happy with that. I think about down the road and want to raise children one day there w/family and plant my life there. Now my boyfriend wants to travel, live the exciting life and live everywhere! The more and more we talk about my feelings the more depressed i get. I don't know what to do w/the way i feel! I think i want to go back to school before i settle down but then i have no idea what i want to do, none whatsoever!!! I think i should think about myself, but now it is me and him. Our relationship is very serious (we have talked about getting engaged) and i don't want to hurt it by doing someting drastic but i am so sad all the time! At work i feel ok but when i am home i don't want to talk to him and i just sit there and watch tv. I am not mad at him i just don't want to talk to him or do anything. Things change when we go home though, i am happy, alive, and feel different. Does anyone have any advice on how i cope or what i should do next? Thank you for listening to my long story.

~Confused

MysticKnight gave this response on 5/18/2000:

Hello there !!!

Before anything, it is a pleasure to answer you and to give you our opinion, that is the reason this site is on ...:-)) We are here to provide you with insights...if they can help...:-))

Now, to consider this situation in a whole, I would say that there are a lot of changes in your life recently...( 6 months for all these is a short period of time ...:-))]... It is only natural to feel confused the way you do because almost all of them need some adjustment period , which I do not think you had the time to go through so far...:-))

It is as well a natural thing to miss your relatives and your family... They were always the ones that were there for you whenever you felt like talking or be with someone.... the thing is , now you do not have such accessibility... but there is always the fact that you can give them a call once or twice a week and arrange things that will allow you to visit them on a frequent basis,,, maybe every weekend for now,maybe every two weeks later on, if that is what you feel...Your boyfriend should understand this as well...If not... talk to him and make him understand that this issue is really something important for you... Gradually , you will see , you will be able to cope with this on your own, it is a period that everybody has to face one day or another and it is never an easy step to make when you are entering the adulthood...but I am convinced that you can make it...just give yourself some time...:-)) It does not mean that you love them less...be assured...but just that you are now taking your responsibilities and that is a very good thing...:-))

You seem to be a little bit confused as well regarding you professional status... What I would suggest to you is first to look deep inside yourself and ask yourself what it is that you would really like to do....try a couple of things as far as answers to this question is concerned...Then , I would say that, with that in hand, you should go see a career counselor and explain him what your choices are all about. He may give you a few tests to do as to evaluate what would seem something that you would perform well in and be satisfied about it...Then, depending on what he will come up with, you will have a few choices... again here , I would tell you to look deep inside you to see what really attracts you ....You will see, there will be something suitable for what you are looking for...:-))

It is a good thing that you talked about your feelings for it allowed you to see what was in cause here ... but if that causes you to get depresed , it means that now is the time to act upon this and make some changes...

And , you know, moving from a small town to a big city is always something that is a little bit scary, ...things are not the same and people are not so close together ...which lead to impersonal contacts at times... but the day will come where you will meet new people that you will get along with just fine ....do not worry about this,....:-))

The fact that you do not want to talk to your boyfriend ( or do not feel like it ) is to me very much understandable simply because you have reached a point in your life called "decision-making time" and you want to sort out the different possibilities that are presented to you... I just hope that your boyfriend understands that...:-)) ( And by the way, the fact that he wants to travel and see many things is also very normal... many exciting changes have occured in his life as well and he is very enthousiastic about them...maybe the ghost of the prospect of a routine life is looming over him... you may want to clarify this with him...)

And , one more thing, before you get into the engagment thing and get all serious with your relationship, I would suggest you to do all of the above first... You do not want to get in a marriage and in 5 years fom now , have the feeling that you missed something... do you ??? So , once those points will be out of the way, you will be able to think a little bit more clearly about this and will know for sure what you really want... Also, you may be a lot happier than you are for so many thngs that are presently in your head will be cleared out...:-))

But remember, you have to take it easy with yourself...don't be too hard ... and give yourself some time... for time is an important factor here...if not an essential one....:-))

Hope that will help you shed some much needed light in your head...and if there is anyhing at all, please, feel free to ask...it will always be a pleasure to answer you...:-))

Take good care and do keep smiling...:-))

Sincerely, Mystic Knight

Anonymous rated this answer a 4.