Anonymous asked this question on 5/18/2000:

I really don't know where to start? I feel so confused and depressed that i don't know what else to do? I am 23, have a wonderful boyfriend who would do anything for me,and a reception job that pays really well. So, you think that i would be happy, huh. Well, things couldn't be more wrong! Last November my boyfriend and i moved out of state with his construction job so he could have a chance to get promoted. I decided at the time that moving to a big city would be good for me too because there are alot of job opportunities for me.(i had previously gone to radiology school after high school for a year but did not finish due to personal factors from the program instructor, acutally the best move i made by ending the program.) So i thought that my best move would be to start over w/a new job. I have wanted to go back to college but so very unsure of what i want to do. I don't want to make the same mistake by just picking something and hating it again. Plus wasting money on something i decide later on on not doing is stupid. So, we have lived here now for 6months and i have a good reception job and his job is going ok too! problem is is that i am not happy! I miss my famiiy and old town. We are 8hrs away so we visit when we can but i just am not happy with that. I think about down the road and want to raise children one day there w/family and plant my life there. Now my boyfriend wants to travel, live the exciting life and live everywhere! The more and more we talk about my feelings the more depressed i get. I don't know what to do w/the way i feel! I think i want to go back to school before i settle down but then i have no idea what i want to do, none whatsoever!!! I think i should think about myself, but now it is me and him. Our relationship is very serious (we have talked about getting engaged) and i don't want to hurt it by doing someting drastic but i am so sad all the time! At work i feel ok but when i am home i don't want to talk to him and i just sit there and watch tv. I am not mad at him i just don't want to talk to him or do anything. Things change when we go home though, i am happy, alive, and feel different. Does anyone have any advice on how i cope or what i should do next? Thank you for listening to my long story.

~Confused

mfielding gave this response on 5/18/2000:

That's a hard choice you've got there. Boyfriend/future husband or happiness. First, let me say that, based on what you're saying, your reactions are within normal range. A big change is difficult for anyone, and moving 8 hours away from your family and home town, especially if you have a good relationship with your family, can be a very hard thing to cope with. A big city is nothing like most towns, and it's a big adjustment, to say the least.

Getting out of the school program you weren't enjoying was, as you say, a good move, and I think you're right to wait until you know a bit more about what you want to do before attempting school again. If nothing else helps, you might try taking a couple of interest inventories online (or from a career guide from the library or bookstore). It's not a clinical diagnostic tool by any means, but it may help you think about what sorts of things you enjoy.

Not wanting to talk with your boyfriend isn't an encouraging sign... if he is going to be your soul mate, then you really do need that communication line open as much as possible. Is he supportive about your feeling down, or does he think you're just being difficult? Do your differing opinions about what you want out of life upset you, and is that what's keeping you from talking with him?

Worrying about upsetting your relationship is natural, but is it worth your being unhappy all the time to keep things the way they are? If he is the right person for you, are you willing to sacrifice your own wants, or are you two able to work out some kind of compromise?

Most importantly, please rest assured that feeling uncertain of yourself and the future is perfectly natural at our age... I'm 25, and I sometimes feel that way, too! If you've made any friends in your new locale, especially those around your age, you may want to ask for their support. Talk to them and see what they have to suggest. When you feel up to it, talk it over with your boyfriend. Maybe he has some things to suggest, too.

Good luck!

Anonymous rated this answer a 4.