Anonymous asked this question on 5/6/2000:

I am having severe problems in dealing with my depression at the moment. i am not at the lowest I have been, and have been seeing a doctor, but am not willing to start taking anti-depressants again, as it would seem that this is going to be a lifelong depression. I have seen psychiatrists and counsellors and the general consensus is that my depression is simply a lack of serotonin. I am looking for alternative means to stop myself cutting myself, being an insomniac, and generally being apathetic. I also have a tendency to overdrink and have been taking quite a lot of ecstasy. I would greatly appreciate any help or advice you could offer.

pain1 gave this response on 5/6/2000:

Hi

It sounds as though you are back on the circle of depression. Your biggest answer is in the question..."You are not as low as you have been" This means it has been worse and you have come back even then. Why should you not come back up again this time??

My depression is also life long, it is caused by chronic pain and that pain is now no longer treatable, other than by drugs...and these only reduce it not stop it. I do take the medications for the depression. I know it may be life long and that despite my hate for tablets I want to be as active as possible, the pain and the depression keep me too muddled to do anything at all without the medication.

As you say your symptoms are deep, the self harm side of things are the biggest problem I guess, and the felings of self worth, or lack of, can also be a weight keeping us down. I understand your reluctance to take the medication but you are doing worse really. Drinking...Ecstasy and so on. You are taking anti depresent drugs but in a form you feel better with. I would bet that if you decided to go back on the prescribed med you would also find the need to over drink or over use the ecstasy would lessen too. I am not about to lecture you on the dangers of both of these..you know yourself and what you do is your business and not mine. Clearly though you are looking for other ways to stop the way you are right now so why not listen to, and accept help from, the specialists?? I also go through stages where I plain refuse to put another pill in my mouth but I am the only one to suffer at the end of the day, well except for my family who have to watch me self destruct and get mad with anger and self hate.

Did the self harming ease when on medication before?? If so maybe this is also a good enough reason to try again. There is nothing stopping you from seeking alternative types of help while on the meds and in fact you may find it easier to if you are better under control because of the drugs??

I would strongly advise you reconsider the whole issue. Are you doing more harm with the drinking and the ecstasy than any number of prescribed drugs would?? Are you running out of control without the mediactions..what chances are there that you will, at some point, go too far with the self harm side of things??

It is your life, your choice and only you can take the medication...no amount of pressure can force you to do anything you don't want to but what do prescribed drugs hold, by way of fear, that the other two things don't???

I wish you luck in your search for other methods of help, I have to say that when we get so depressed, as clearly you are right now, I doubt there is very much left that we have not already found or tried.......

Dave (UK)

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