Anonymous asked this question on 5/2/2000:

Hi,

I am 26 yrs old and I am feeling severely depressed for several reasons. I broke up with my girlfriend last year and I feel that I have hurt her badly, but I really don't think she was right for me (as in building a future, marriage, etc).

It was a shock because we dated for 6 yrs, and I knew she wasn't "right" for quite some time and kept postponing breaking up our relationship. She is a very nice girl and at least I didn't "dump" her for another or anything. I'm still not seeing anyone and I think that she knows this. I don't want to hurt her but I also don't want to give her false hopes by calling and writing; but by not doing so I fear she must think I am extremely mean and that I don't care for her. It was somehow expected that we would marry after all that time and maybe I'm just not up to that.

Another reason I am depressed is that I have a Business Administration degree (and have had an excellent education) and I feel I have a pretty lousy job. I often reply to ads and go to interviews but I don't have much success with these. I feel that I'm "stuck" professionally. I work many hours and I feel that I don't have enough free time to enjoy. I am constantly stressed.

Also, my family was quite wealthy once but now my parents are almost broke and I worry for them. I would like to help them out and perhaps open a shop with them (we could borrow the money from rich relatives) but I feel that I need my independence as well, and that if I worked in a shop FOR them then I would never really be independent! I love them very much and seem to care for them more than my sisters! I have been thinking of how it would be to leave my job and do the shop thing, but I fear that then I really would not progress in any career (I always had an idea that I would make it big!)

I am also afraid I've messed up my reputation by doing something very stupid (didn't harm anyone or anything like that...more like made a fool out of myself), word gets around, and I don't know how to recover from that incident. I feel that every body knows what happened or at least notices that my behaviour has changed since then (by being so paranoid perhaps?).

I don't have any friends and my friends live 200 miles away! I took my degree in another city (made friends there) and have moved back to live with my parents a year after graduation. I have lost contact with past friends or found that we have different interests now.

And oh yes, I recently discovered that I have male pattern baldness (balding) and I am going quite fat (slacking). I plan to start exercising but keep on postponing it!

Lately I may be drinking slightly too much (I've always liked drinking...sometimes I would exaggerate when I would go out.but it never REALLY got out of hand otherwise).

As you can see, plenty of reasons to be depressed!

I think I may be coping quite well actually, considering. This could be due to a strong character (never have been the depressed type, rather the contrary) but even so it's really starting to put a strain on me. I also live in a sunny country, which helps. I am constantly thinking of how shitty my life has become and have troubles sleeping properly at night (which doesn't help at work!).

A handful!

Thanks to anyone who cares to give me his or her views!

grwolfe4268 gave this response on 5/12/2000:

It sounds like you keep putting your life on hold. If you feel that you want your own business go for it. There is nothing wrong with borrowing from relitives(sometimes) to get started. If you can't get a loan from a bank or other sourse then go for it. As far as losing weight, that would be a good thing, but here again you put it on hold. It seems like you have to start taking control of your life and stop dreaming about doing thing and start doing. If your girlfriend was not right for you, yes you should have broken it off long ago. It would have been easier. Is she seeing someone else? Don't kid your self now. She will get over not being your girlfriend in time, time heals things. Maybe she won't be as hurt as you think she would be. If you are not compatible then it is long overdue in cutting it off. You could still be friends, but both parties have to feel that way. Don't be cold toward her, care about her but don't beat yourself up. She most likely know it was right too. You should start going out again, but take it slow don't jump into a relationship, just because you feel you need one. You have to look at why you two were not compatible, but you must pick up your life and go on, its not fair to either one of you. The best paying job is not always the best job for you. If you are not happy at the job you do then step out and make that change. It may not happen over night, make your self goles and try to stick with them. Make them reachable but never the less try to stick with it. Even with the weight. Forget about the hair there is nothing you can do. Don't worry about something you have no real control over. Take care.