Anonymous asked this question on 5/2/2000:

Hi,

I am 26 yrs old and I am feeling severely depressed for several reasons. I broke up with my girlfriend last year and I feel that I have hurt her badly, but I really don't think she was right for me (as in building a future, marriage, etc).

It was a shock because we dated for 6 yrs, and I knew she wasn't "right" for quite some time and kept postponing breaking up our relationship. She is a very nice girl and at least I didn't "dump" her for another or anything. I'm still not seeing anyone and I think that she knows this. I don't want to hurt her but I also don't want to give her false hopes by calling and writing; but by not doing so I fear she must think I am extremely mean and that I don't care for her. It was somehow expected that we would marry after all that time and maybe I'm just not up to that.

Another reason I am depressed is that I have a Business Administration degree (and have had an excellent education) and I feel I have a pretty lousy job. I often reply to ads and go to interviews but I don't have much success with these. I feel that I'm "stuck" professionally. I work many hours and I feel that I don't have enough free time to enjoy. I am constantly stressed.

Also, my family was quite wealthy once but now my parents are almost broke and I worry for them. I would like to help them out and perhaps open a shop with them (we could borrow the money from rich relatives) but I feel that I need my independence as well, and that if I worked in a shop FOR them then I would never really be independent! I love them very much and seem to care for them more than my sisters! I have been thinking of how it would be to leave my job and do the shop thing, but I fear that then I really would not progress in any career (I always had an idea that I would make it big!)

I am also afraid I've messed up my reputation by doing something very stupid (didn't harm anyone or anything like that...more like made a fool out of myself), word gets around, and I don't know how to recover from that incident. I feel that every body knows what happened or at least notices that my behaviour has changed since then (by being so paranoid perhaps?).

I don't have any friends and my friends live 200 miles away! I took my degree in another city (made friends there) and have moved back to live with my parents a year after graduation. I have lost contact with past friends or found that we have different interests now.

And oh yes, I recently discovered that I have male pattern baldness (balding) and I am going quite fat (slacking). I plan to start exercising but keep on postponing it!

Lately I may be drinking slightly too much (I've always liked drinking...sometimes I would exaggerate when I would go out.but it never REALLY got out of hand otherwise).

As you can see, plenty of reasons to be depressed!

I think I may be coping quite well actually, considering. This could be due to a strong character (never have been the depressed type, rather the contrary) but even so it's really starting to put a strain on me. I also live in a sunny country, which helps. I am constantly thinking of how shitty my life has become and have troubles sleeping properly at night (which doesn't help at work!).

A handful!

Thanks to anyone who cares to give me his or her views!

Deedy13 gave this response on 5/12/2000:

Hello my friend ... Being a woman who has suffered with depressions most of my life, I can tell you, without fear of contradiction, that this is a curse! It has only been through divine intervention that my attempts at self-demise has failed. You may say to yourself right now, 'What is this lady talking about!? I'm not suicidal!' And I say to you, "Maybe not now, but if you don't do something, and quick, this notion will, if they haven't already entered your thoughts -- become more and more a damnable solution." STOP! Don't let the weight of your problems become so intollerable that you become immersed in them! For starters -- proper rest is essential in your progress to deal with your problems. You say that you're not sleeping well. Any doctor can tell you that drinking alcohol before going to sleep actually inhibits good rest. Oh sure, you'll pass out right away and fall into a dead sleep for a few hours, but the after effect of the alcohol wearing off, wakes you up again, and makes you quite restless and irritable. Then of course, your irribility causes you to smoke -- and what's a cigarette without a cup of coffee. Do you understand the domino effect you're creating for yourself? Don't be your own worst enemy! You have enough problems without enhancing them. As for your guilty feelings about everyone that is close to you -- KNOCK IT OFF! You have to be loyal to yourself first! You're making yourself sick! Everyone will be just fine! You're the only one that isn't! You might want to read my autobiography, 'EMBRACE THE WIND'! It has helped many people to overcome their insecurities and depressions, and gives inspiration and hope for a new you. You can find it at WWW.1stbooks.com. Whether you choose to read it not, please be kind to yourself ... exspell procrastinations and renew your faith in all that is holy to you. Take care, I'll be praying for you. Darlyn