Anonymous asked this question on 5/2/2000:
Hi,
I am 26 yrs old and I am feeling severely depressed for several reasons. I broke up with my girlfriend last year and I feel that I have hurt her badly, but I really don't think she was right for me (as in building a future, marriage, etc).
It was a shock because we dated for 6 yrs, and I knew she wasn't "right" for quite some time and kept postponing breaking up our relationship. She is a very nice girl and at least I didn't "dump" her for another or anything. I'm still not seeing anyone and I think that she knows this. I don't want to hurt her but I also don't want to give her false hopes by calling and writing; but by not doing so I fear she must think I am extremely mean and that I don't care for her. It was somehow expected that we would marry after all that time and maybe I'm just not up to that.
Another reason I am depressed is that I have a Business Administration degree (and have had an excellent education) and I feel I have a pretty lousy job. I often reply to ads and go to interviews but I don't have much success with these. I feel that I'm "stuck" professionally. I work many hours and I feel that I don't have enough free time to enjoy. I am constantly stressed.
Also, my family was quite wealthy once but now my parents are almost broke and I worry for them. I would like to help them out and perhaps open a shop with them (we could borrow the money from rich relatives) but I feel that I need my independence as well, and that if I worked in a shop FOR them then I would never really be independent! I love them very much and seem to care for them more than my sisters! I have been thinking of how it would be to leave my job and do the shop thing, but I fear that then I really would not progress in any career (I always had an idea that I would make it big!)
I am also afraid I've messed up my reputation by doing something very stupid (didn't harm anyone or anything like that...more like made a fool out of myself), word gets around, and I don't know how to recover from that incident. I feel that every body knows what happened or at least notices that my behaviour has changed since then (by being so paranoid perhaps?).
I don't have any friends and my friends live 200 miles away! I took my degree in another city (made friends there) and have moved back to live with my parents a year after graduation. I have lost contact with past friends or found that we have different interests now.
And oh yes, I recently discovered that I have male pattern baldness (balding) and I am going quite fat (slacking). I plan to start exercising but keep on postponing it!
Lately I may be drinking slightly too much (I've always liked drinking...sometimes I would exaggerate when I would go out.but it never REALLY got out of hand otherwise).
As you can see, plenty of reasons to be depressed!
I think I may be coping quite well actually, considering. This could be due to a strong character (never have been the depressed type, rather the contrary) but even so it's really starting to put a strain on me. I also live in a sunny country, which helps. I am constantly thinking of how shitty my life has become and have troubles sleeping properly at night (which doesn't help at work!).
A handful!
Thanks to anyone who cares to give me his or her views!
siobhan gave this response on 5/9/2000:
MY advice 1. do not worry about your family right now, as long as they have food to eat they'll survive.2. don't worry about your sisters, you can only help them so much and then they have to make their own decisions 3. do what you want to do with your degree, if you hate your job look really hard for a new one and quit the one you have now.4. Nothing will be accomplished through feeling guity and worrying about your ex. If you do care about her and she wants to still speak to you now and then as a friend please do so.5. you need to work on becoming a better person, and then you'll feel better about yourself and life in general. You were mean to string your girl around and not break up with her the moment you knew it " wasn't right". She must be devastated and probably worse off then you are right now, so I suggest you start helping others and in the process you will be halping yourself feel better. This is very helpful for depression- redirecting your energy and despair into something productive and fulfilling. Take care, Siobhan
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