apollonia asked this question on 5/7/2000:
I have been depressed for about two years, I am 18 years old, in college. Even though it was hard for me, I finally had the guts to go to counselling this year. I was quickly diagnosed by a doctor (as if I needed it confirmed) to have severe depression. He prescribed a heavy dose of effexor and suggested I keep on with the counselling. But I hated counselling, so I quit, and I refuse to take medication, for a lot of reasons.... and I know rejecting help is my fault, but I still wish I had somewhere else to go... I want desperately to feel good and go on with life, but I jsut can't make myself because on some level I really don't want to get better... I don't feel I deserve it. So now I am backing myself into this aweful place with nowhere to go... any thoughts? (besides suicide...)
klgardiner gave this response on 5/7/2000:
Apollonia, I was first diagnosed when I was in highschool, but it didn't really get severe until about 12 yrs. ago. I went to several Drs. and left most of them, you have to feel completely safe with whoever it is you are talking to, and that takes time to find the right person. With medication the depression is not cured, but it is under control and life takes on a whole different light. Don't ever feel that having depression is a weakness, it is a disease, just like diabetes, or cancer. We have a chemical imbalance, we're not freaks, or crazy. I have been on several medications, I am on Parnate now, and it is working well. It is an old medicine and alot of the new ones work well, Zoloft, Prozac, etc. It might take time to work with them, remember, it takes at least 2 weeks and usually longer to see any affect but when you do, you won't believe how wonderful life is. Concentration is better, you don't sleep 24hrs a day, things that brought you joy before do again. I finally found a great therapist that I looked forward to seeing, maybe a minister etc. would be better. You have to want to get better though, and that is possible, I have described my depression as falling down a well, you can see the sunlight over head, but every time you try climbing out you slide back down the walls, it is a never ending battle, but there is alot of hope, and at your age you have alot of pressures, but don't quit taking your meds, and test out the professional help, believe me, it does work!!! Just remember, you have alot of people sharing what you are going through and we will be behind you in whatever way we can.
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