apollonia asked this question on 5/7/2000:
I have been depressed for about two years, I am 18 years old, in college. Even though it was hard for me, I finally had the guts to go to counselling this year. I was quickly diagnosed by a doctor (as if I needed it confirmed) to have severe depression. He prescribed a heavy dose of effexor and suggested I keep on with the counselling. But I hated counselling, so I quit, and I refuse to take medication, for a lot of reasons.... and I know rejecting help is my fault, but I still wish I had somewhere else to go... I want desperately to feel good and go on with life, but I jsut can't make myself because on some level I really don't want to get better... I don't feel I deserve it. So now I am backing myself into this aweful place with nowhere to go... any thoughts? (besides suicide...)
jillyk gave this response on 5/7/2000:
Dear apollonia, Please realise that your rational thought is irrational at this stage, and it is normal for your attitude re: "you don't deserve it" the fact is you are scared, and who wouldn't be in this situation. Sweetie! you had the insight to seek help. You have it, the combination of medication and psychotherapy (counselling) is frustrating but it does serve a purpose, it serves to help you to a degree where you might be able to rationalise your irrational thought processes and the possibility exists that you will be able to reduce the medication dosage. It is imperative that you don't quit and get yourself out of this corner that you are backing yourself into. There is light at the end of the tunnel honey, you can reach it.. I have worked with many people in a similar situation as you are in now. I can not understand what you are going through but I can empathise, I can feel the pain you are experiencing but I assure you if you don't quit on yourself then I won't quit on you either! Give the counselling another try. Think of where you want to be in 12 months from now.. think of where you want to be in 3 years from now. Set yourself goals for the future, yes, you do have a future... I have faith in you, you just need a little help to regain some faith in yourself! All the best sweetie! :o)Jillyk.
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