Anonymous asked this question on 5/2/2000:

Hi,

I am 26 yrs old and I am feeling severely depressed for several reasons. I broke up with my girlfriend last year and I feel that I have hurt her badly, but I really don't think she was right for me (as in building a future, marriage, etc).

It was a shock because we dated for 6 yrs, and I knew she wasn't "right" for quite some time and kept postponing breaking up our relationship. She is a very nice girl and at least I didn't "dump" her for another or anything. I'm still not seeing anyone and I think that she knows this. I don't want to hurt her but I also don't want to give her false hopes by calling and writing; but by not doing so I fear she must think I am extremely mean and that I don't care for her. It was somehow expected that we would marry after all that time and maybe I'm just not up to that.

Another reason I am depressed is that I have a Business Administration degree (and have had an excellent education) and I feel I have a pretty lousy job. I often reply to ads and go to interviews but I don't have much success with these. I feel that I'm "stuck" professionally. I work many hours and I feel that I don't have enough free time to enjoy. I am constantly stressed.

Also, my family was quite wealthy once but now my parents are almost broke and I worry for them. I would like to help them out and perhaps open a shop with them (we could borrow the money from rich relatives) but I feel that I need my independence as well, and that if I worked in a shop FOR them then I would never really be independent! I love them very much and seem to care for them more than my sisters! I have been thinking of how it would be to leave my job and do the shop thing, but I fear that then I really would not progress in any career (I always had an idea that I would make it big!)

I am also afraid I've messed up my reputation by doing something very stupid (didn't harm anyone or anything like that...more like made a fool out of myself), word gets around, and I don't know how to recover from that incident. I feel that every body knows what happened or at least notices that my behaviour has changed since then (by being so paranoid perhaps?).

I don't have any friends and my friends live 200 miles away! I took my degree in another city (made friends there) and have moved back to live with my parents a year after graduation. I have lost contact with past friends or found that we have different interests now.

And oh yes, I recently discovered that I have male pattern baldness (balding) and I am going quite fat (slacking). I plan to start exercising but keep on postponing it!

Lately I may be drinking slightly too much (I've always liked drinking...sometimes I would exaggerate when I would go out.but it never REALLY got out of hand otherwise).

As you can see, plenty of reasons to be depressed!

I think I may be coping quite well actually, considering. This could be due to a strong character (never have been the depressed type, rather the contrary) but even so it's really starting to put a strain on me. I also live in a sunny country, which helps. I am constantly thinking of how shitty my life has become and have troubles sleeping properly at night (which doesn't help at work!).

A handful!

Thanks to anyone who cares to give me his or her views!

ginonice gave this response on 5/5/2000:

My dear sweet man... I wish I had some magic dust to sprinkle on you to make all things better but I do not..so I hope what I am about to say helps..atleast a little. :) First thing, you need to become more postive about yourself and your accomplishments. You have a degree,job,home and family that all are still here for you and all still going on with you. I think maybe you are depressed because of your weight and that makes you feel worthless to all aspects of your life. I know becuz I am overweight but I am not depressed.....anymore....your life is what you make of it and you are the only person in control and the only person who can change your life. You need to surround yourself with a good support system and take this one hurdle at a time. I wish to help and advise you more and to become one of your supporters..please feel free to email me at GinOnIce@hotmail.com A few quick things though:: TRY THIS:: Make a list of things you would like to change and a few ways this can happen. Lets work on one thing at a time. You may wanna make a visit to you doctor for some medical advice and maybe an anti-depressant, maybe ask for your ideal weight goal and a good diet or calorie plan to start you out. Visit some support web sites such as...www.bodyforlife.com or www.thrive.com under there weight or fitness links. Find yourself some good e-buddies to help you out. I hope that you write to me personally and think about what I have said. I am not an expert but I see in your words alot of me at one time and I know we can work thru this together. One more thing.... ABout this girl...tell her all this....let her know its not her and you are needing support. I bet her friendship...will be well worth the effort to tell her all this and I know she will understand. Take care and god bless. :)

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