AnnieS asked this question on 5/2/2000:

Hi, I'm a 36 year old female with a history of drug and alcohol abuse(12-25), several dysfunctional relationships, Sexual abuse(11), rape(21). I have been clean and sober for the past 11 years, gone through extensive psychotherapy(of which I found to be very benificial), I was relationship-less for 5 years and became quite sucessful and independent throughout that time. My question is this: up until very recently I believed, (and have been diagnosed with), Major Depression. I remember feeling depressed as far back as I can remember. My mother describes my moods like this, "you're up & down, up & down." My best friend of 34 years has always sworn I was Bipolar, and everyone else I know is always saying, "you're so moody." Until very recently, I wouldn't even entertain the idea of being Bipolar, (nor would the therapists), because of what I, and they, thought to be, an absence of manic episodes. I hang on to my "happy times" for dear life. They don't last long, and I'm never sure why they're there. But until recently, I never questioned the lack of reason, I just grabbed on to these very brief periods and enjoyed them while I had them. However, recently I have become more aware of these times because I am unable to sleep for very long during these times, I fall asleep for a few hours, awake, and am unable to get back to sleep. That's if I'm even able to get to sleep much before dawn. I've also noticed that I can be feeling happy one moment and have it turn into extreme irritability the next. Irritability to the point of being enraged. I'm over active, easily distracted, almost foggy or hazey at times. Recently I read about Biploar II. Do you think there's a possibility that I have this type of Bipolar? I feel like I'm on a mood roller coaster much of the time, and swing in and out of these moods so rapidly sometimes that I have difficulty distinguishing how I truly feel about most everything. It leaves me feeling very indecisive and confused. There doesn't seem to be any apparent reason for these shifts in mood. Up until now I've refused medication for the depression for fear of becoming active in my addictions again, but am returning to therapy to explore the possibility of meds, as the depression has become much more severe over the past two years, and I'm not sure I can handle it without the meds any longer. I intend to discuss the possibility of Bipolar with my new psychologist, but would like as many opinions, and as much input as I can get before I go. Anything you can offer would be greatly appreciated, and to all of you that have already answered me; Thank You so much!!!! Annie S.

ScreenMentor gave this response on 5/3/2000:

Many people become alcoholics/addicts because they are attempting to self-medicate their moods. Alcohol and drugs can appear to help but as you know, they only make things worse.

Getting on appropriate medication is totally different. Your use would be monitored by a doctor. Bet you didn't have anyone monitor your drug use!

My son is insulin dependent. That doesn't make him an addict.

I myself use medication for depression and anxiety. It is helping me return to an active creative life.

You can always stop medication under medical supervision if it doesn't work for you. You may in fact have to experiment with several meds or combination of meds to find the best treatment for you. You are worth it!

Many times people with Bipolar disorders aren't diagnosed until their thirties. The swings become wider and wider as one grows older and finally the symptoms are undeniable.

Remember that medication is not about someone controlling you, it's about you getting a handle on things so you can control yourself.

AnnieS asked this follow-up question on 5/3/2000:

Thank you for your input, it was encouraging, but you neglected to give me your opinion on whether or not you think it's bipolar or not. The possibility scares the hell out of me!!!! Thanks again. Annie S.

ScreenMentor gave this response on 5/3/2000:

I'm sorry, I thought that was clear when I said that many bipolars aren't diagnosed until their 30's. If your friends and family say you have mood swings, you've probably got it.

Annie, don't be scared of it. Bipolar is treatable. And you will probably find that once you begin treatment for it your life runs much smoother. Your up times will be more productive and steady. Your down times will never drag you down to the depths again. I know so many bipolar people who rave about the liberating power of the medication. Their minds are much clearer.

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AnnieS rated this answer a 5.