Anonymous asked this question on 4/23/2000:
I have suffered through and thought I had regained my mental health after two long episodes of severe clinical depression in l992 and l994. I took early retirement in 9/91 at age 62, and soon recognized that something was wrong with my mental health. It was NOT due to retirement, it was due to my husband who was a manic-depressive, and was in a very manic condition at that time, and also because my best friend of 20 years told me she had inoperable cancer. We were very close and supportive of each other as long as I can remeber. She became sicker and sicker, and died a miserable death in 9/92. I lost my friend and her generous support. From the time I heard she had cancer, and observed her long suffering, I was in deep depression, and wasn't much good to anyone or myself. Professionals helped get me through this lst depression. Then in late spring of 1994, I recognized that I was again in another depression. At this time, I moved down to another state to be with my daughter and family. My husband reluctantly moved down with me (I really didn't want him to). Professionals helped me again. By the lst of 1996, I felt normal again. For the last year or two, it seems sometimes I am in some form of depression. I find myself in tears (in private, or on the phone with my two children who I sometimes have an disagreement with) I sleep very late in the AM..sometimes up to 1:00 or 2:00 p.m. even. I do that when I don't have anything to do that day but household work. I do stay up late at night till l:00 watching TV etc.-but I don't know if that's an excuse to sleep so late the next morning. I have taken the anti-anxiety pill, name of Clonzepam for at least the last 6 years, now prescribed by my MD who's well aware of my problems. That has always pretty well assured me of a good night sleep. Yes, I am addicted, like I' addicted to a good night's sleep. This frequent crying of mine, when I feel down about something, and sleeping just about everyday so late makes me wonder if I'm in a state of depression. I am 71 years old now. I do volunter work twice a week and "babysit" my 4 and 8 year old granddaughters often. I am fairly active, have a few good friends, but not like the one I had that died. I miss a friend like that. I sure wish she was still alive, but she's been gone for 8 years now, and I've adjusted to that by now. My husband did not allow me to grieve for her normally. He made fun of me and told me to pull myself by my boot straps. He died 1/98. He was in a nursing home for 3 years..while I was in a depression, and I thought I became well again. I could write a book on all this, but I better quit, and ask you what you think, advice, whatever. Am I still in some phase of depression?. I'll be taking Effexor the rest of life. I have cut down to l pill a day, when I use to take 2. Maybe I should go back to 2. Thanks.
karunap gave this response on 4/25/2000:
Yes, I would say you are still in a state of depression. I suggest that you find a therapist that you can work with to complete all the unresolved issues. You have mentioned several.... there are probably others. Find a therapist that will help you feel your feelings, solve problems, give structure and advice... as opposed to someone who just medicates or takes a passive listening approach. You need to make contracts and be accountable for keeping them. For example, a contract to be in bed by a certain time, and to be out of bed by 8 or 9 am. You probably also need contracts about eating properly, social time, less tv, etc.
I suggest your read the book GOOD GRIEF RITUALS and do the work it suggests.
There are other things you can do as you look for a therapist.
You might start by doing your grief work about the friend that died. You might write about all the things you miss about her. Feel all of your feelings... including the anger that she left you. Do 15 or more minutes of feeling work about her every day for three weeks. Then if you want, pick a different issue.
Your comment about writing a book is actually a great one. You don't have to plan on publishing it. Simply doing the writing can be very therapeutic. I suggest you do it!
You deserve to a have a rich, rewarding life. If you do your therapy work you may be able to come off of all the medications! You deserve it!