Am I still in a state of clinical depressio

Subject: Am I still in a state of clinical depressio
Answered By: jillyk
Asked By: Anonymous

Anonymous asked this question on 4/23/2000:

I have suffered through and thought I had regained my mental health after two long episodes of severe clinical depression in l992 and l994. I took early retirement in 9/91 at age 62, and soon recognized that something was wrong with my mental health. It was NOT due to retirement, it was due to my husband who was a manic-depressive, and was in a very manic condition at that time, and also because my best friend of 20 years told me she had inoperable cancer. We were very close and supportive of each other as long as I can remeber. She became sicker and sicker, and died a miserable death in 9/92. I lost my friend and her generous support. From the time I heard she had cancer, and observed her long suffering, I was in deep depression, and wasn't much good to anyone or myself. Professionals helped get me through this lst depression. Then in late spring of 1994, I recognized that I was again in another depression. At this time, I moved down to another state to be with my daughter and family. My husband reluctantly moved down with me (I really didn't want him to). Professionals helped me again. By the lst of 1996, I felt normal again. For the last year or two, it seems sometimes I am in some form of depression. I find myself in tears (in private, or on the phone with my two children who I sometimes have an disagreement with) I sleep very late in the AM..sometimes up to 1:00 or 2:00 p.m. even. I do that when I don't have anything to do that day but household work. I do stay up late at night till l:00 watching TV etc.-but I don't know if that's an excuse to sleep so late the next morning. I have taken the anti-anxiety pill, name of Clonzepam for at least the last 6 years, now prescribed by my MD who's well aware of my problems. That has always pretty well assured me of a good night sleep. Yes, I am addicted, like I' addicted to a good night's sleep. This frequent crying of mine, when I feel down about something, and sleeping just about everyday so late makes me wonder if I'm in a state of depression. I am 71 years old now. I do volunter work twice a week and "babysit" my 4 and 8 year old granddaughters often. I am fairly active, have a few good friends, but not like the one I had that died. I miss a friend like that. I sure wish she was still alive, but she's been gone for 8 years now, and I've adjusted to that by now. My husband did not allow me to grieve for her normally. He made fun of me and told me to pull myself by my boot straps. He died 1/98. He was in a nursing home for 3 years..while I was in a depression, and I thought I became well again. I could write a book on all this, but I better quit, and ask you what you think, advice, whatever. Am I still in some phase of depression?. I'll be taking Effexor the rest of life. I have cut down to l pill a day, when I use to take 2. Maybe I should go back to 2. Thanks.

jillyk gave this response on 4/24/2000:

You had done the hard yards well and truly! I suggest you follow up your issues you have placed in your letter, you miss your best friend and you haven't grieved properly, so go ahead and relive all the times you spent together and remember her in a good way. Some cancer patients who have inoperable cancer suffer a great deal and so their death comes as a kind of release to them, they are not in pain although they leave us hurting. If she was still alive, would you want her to go through the same pain and suffering? Your husband took the attitude of "pull your boots straps up" as he couldn't comprehend your pain as he was manically depressed. If you were fully depresed then do you thinbk you would be able to manage to babysit your precious grand children? I think not. You crying is part of the grieving process for your friend and a release mechanism from your husband. By all means return to your specialist and relay how you feel. Try an alternate method for coming to terms with this situation.. I suggest you follow your idea you noted in your letter.. go ahead! write that book! You might not have it published but you will feel better for writing down all these pent up emotions, and may bring further subconscious thoughts that have been niggling at you for years. Cry as you write as you will be thinking what you write and will serve to help you to move you forward in this time of confusion for you. I wish you well. I am thinking of you.. Feel free to contact me again. :) Jill.

Anonymous asked this follow-up question on 4/24/2000:

JillyK, I appreciated your response. The most recent thing I feel depressed about is that I am "at odds" with my daughter, and feel very badly about this. I don't know how we can get back to having the good m/d relationship we use to have. I know for sure I have feelings, and a right to have them..and so does she. My feelings have been hurt, and I can't just say "It's Ok. I'll just forget it" and expect to feel good about the situation and get back to our old relationship. I wish she would call me somenight and say she was coming over to see me, and we'd talk this over, but I don't expect this to happen. She has two small kids (and husband) at home, so I wouldn't go over there and upset them. She is a very busy woman, having a big house to keep up, two little kids, teaches at the University here a couple days a week, and active in our church. I've respected their privacy and life since I moved down here. I just wish she had a little more time for me, as she does for the church. That however is not the problem I'm having (we're having) at this time. I just wish she'd come over by herself to talk to me, but I have an idea she won't have the time. She calls often to have me stay with her kids, and I always go whether I feel up to it or not. I'm waiting for her to call someday soon to ask me to babysit.....(!).because I've done it so much, and am her only nighttime sitter. I know she just thinks I've been just silly, or similar. Have you any thoughts on this situation? How can I get ahold of YOU if I should come with another problem? Thanks.

jillyk gave this response on 4/24/2000:

If time is the issue, I suggest you talk to your minister if she doesn't show to discuss the issues relevant to you at this time. Maybe your minister can act as a kind of mediator.. Yes I know what it is to have a husband at home, work full time and have kids at every turn. Herhome life would also be somewhat casotic as she would have to plan her lesson plan for future students, mark papers etc. I know that feeling well also,. there would be added pressure on her and it would be easy to understand the frustration on both your sides as her attitude to you upsets you more and you cry, which in turn upset her and raises her frustration level. It appears you might be in a catch 22 situation. I think if your doctor can't assist in mediation then your minister is probably a better bet. He will understand the feelings on both sides and will assist you in airing your feelings, and hopefully it will result in an improvement in your mother daughter relationship. Write again should you feel the need, or if I am off course here. :)Jill.

jillyk gave this follow-up answer on 4/24/2000:

The average rating for this answer is 5.

[<---] - [XXXX] - [--->]