treseq asked this question on 4/22/2000:

I and my wife, Karen, have been married for 11 years. My son is 9 and my daughter is 3.

My wife has a temper problem and things that happened to her when she was in school and with her family, which spreads to all areas of our marrige, ie relationships with family, friends, children and neighbours and myself.

I have somehow managed to survive this. She has left home since eight weeks and would like to reunite. We have discussed our problems and both agreed that this was the main barrier.

My wife has this problem much before our marriage ie with her parents, brothers and sister. She has deep rooted issues in her which I am unable to help despite my best efforts. She has realised that if we do decide to reunited this issue will have to be addressed properly with concrete ways of handling this.

She has been to psycologist and she says that they are of no use as they only give her anti-depressant medication, which she refuses to take.

I would like to keep this family united but I am affraid if this is not solved we will be back to sqare one! We have seperated 3 times before and I cannot take this nor is it conductive for the children.

If you can guide me in some direction that we can look to solve this problem I do not know how I could repay you.

Should you require more information that will help you to put me in the right direction for help please contact me on seqtreka@yahoo.com

Thank you Trevor Sequeira

jillyk gave this response on 4/23/2000:

You are going through a lot of pain and this is also impacting on the children. Clearly your wife is also feeling the impact, I live with a partner who has been diagnosed with a mental illness with the onset in early teens. I also get the feeling that something had happened to her early in life that she has buried in her subconscious or possibly she cannot face as it evokes to much pain for her to deal with. But, deal with it she must. If she refuses to take antidepressants, get in contact with your local mental health clinic, your hospital should have all the contacts you require. Another suggestion here is to see if she won't enrol in group therapy sessions after definite diagnosis. In this way she will be able to observe and relate to people in similar situations as she has experienced in the past. The environment is relaxed and she might open up a little more, in this way you will all benefit. Continue to support her. In wanting a reconcililation she realises she has a problem but also values your support and needs your love and help in this matter. I wish you luck :) Jill.

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