treseq asked this question on 4/22/2000:

I and my wife, Karen, have been married for 11 years. My son is 9 and my daughter is 3.

My wife has a temper problem and things that happened to her when she was in school and with her family, which spreads to all areas of our marrige, ie relationships with family, friends, children and neighbours and myself.

I have somehow managed to survive this. She has left home since eight weeks and would like to reunite. We have discussed our problems and both agreed that this was the main barrier.

My wife has this problem much before our marriage ie with her parents, brothers and sister. She has deep rooted issues in her which I am unable to help despite my best efforts. She has realised that if we do decide to reunited this issue will have to be addressed properly with concrete ways of handling this.

She has been to psycologist and she says that they are of no use as they only give her anti-depressant medication, which she refuses to take.

I would like to keep this family united but I am affraid if this is not solved we will be back to sqare one! We have seperated 3 times before and I cannot take this nor is it conductive for the children.

If you can guide me in some direction that we can look to solve this problem I do not know how I could repay you.

Should you require more information that will help you to put me in the right direction for help please contact me on seqtreka@yahoo.com

Thank you Trevor Sequeira

karunap gave this response on 4/22/2000:

Your wife needs to be in a different type of therapy. She should find a therapist that utilizes a wide variety of treatment modalities. In my practice I do primarily group therapy. In that process we use bioenergetic feeling release, psychodrama, gestalt, regression, contracts, accountability structures, behavioral modification and others. She needs someone who can help her release the rage from her core. This means it should not be a therapist that only does talk therapy or whose primary method is medication management.

She should interview a variety of therapists on the phone and then should go visit a few of them. Frequently they will give 20 minute free sessions to people who are looking. Let me know if you happen to live in Seattle.

She can start doing some work while she is looking for a therapist.

The problems are caused by suppressed/repressed rage. The first step in moving out of this is to start doing feeling work. I suggest people do 15-60 minutes a day of feeling work.

There are many forms. Some examples:

Write lists of mads, sads and scares. Journal about past and present feelings, Feel them as you write. Write angry letters and then destroy them Twist a towel Pound a pillow. Push against a wall pretending you are pushing away people you are angry with. Scream into a pillow or pool. Stomp as you walk

It would also be helpful for her to read GOOD GRIEF RITUALS, LETTING GO OF SUFFERING and GROWING UP AGAIN.

So, that is a beginning. Finding a good therapist is essential. I suggest YOU do feeling work as well. She is not going to be perfect and you will continue to have a lot of feelings.... as well as probably having repressed resentments of your own.

The average rating for this answer is 4.

treseq rated this answer a 4.

Thank you very much