Anonymous asked this question on 4/22/2000:

I suffered from a severe depression a few years ago, which after over a year of fighting it and trying different meds, resulted in a suicide attempt, resigning from work, and career reorientation. Big changes! In the process, I burned a lot of bridges, and alienated my closest friends. They didn't know how to cope with my erratic moods and it was scary for them too.

Anyhow, now I find myself unwilling/unable to really let anyone become close to me, with the feeling that I will ultimately be abandoned should the going get rough (which is sometimes still does!). As this point, I feel I really have no one in my life, other than more casual, good times type relationships. And it's lonely!

How does one undo the damage and rebuild??

karunap gave this response on 4/22/2000:

Do your therapy. As friends notice that you are making fundamental differences in your life they will begin to trust you again. You will also learn skills that will help you heal the splits. It sounds like the damage is well past that which cna be healed with an apology.

All of the things that you talk about you can work through with therapy. Find a therapist that will help you release deep feelings, work through old traumas, fill in developmental gaps. Find one that uses a variety of active modalities of therapy as opposed to someone who only talks or who just hands out medication. In my practice we use bioenergetics, psychodrama, gestalt, contracting, accountability, regression, behavioral modification, cognitive reprocessing and others. Talk to a variety of people over the phone and then see if the ones you are most interested in will do a 20 minute free session with you. Choose the person that feels most right to you.

While you are looking for a therapist you can start to work.

Depression is most often due to stuffing one's feelings….. particularly anger. The first step in moving out of the depression is to start doing feeling work. I suggest people do 15-60 minutes a day of feeling work.

There are many forms. Some examples:

Write lists of mads, sads and scares. Journal about past and present feelings, Feel them as you write. Write angry letters and then destroy them Twist a towel Pound a pillow. Push against a wall pretending you are pushing away people you are angry with. Scream into a pillow or pool. Stomp as you walk

Talk to any friends you have left….. find ways to increase your support system. I believe in group therapy for many reasons... one of which is that it provides you with an automatic support system.

Improve your diet and exercise patterns

Read GOOD GRIEF RITUALS, LETTING GO OF SUFFERING and GROWING UP AGAIN.

You can do the healing that you need to do. The time, money and energy spent is well worth it.

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