Anonymous asked this question on 4/19/2000:

I am a 32yr old women. I have been there and done most of that. I am trying to understand why things are as they maybe in life. I just got married and I have to deal with my husbands ex, she seems nice but I would like to be there for my husband son with everyday life stuff. She feels there are something that I shouldn't be there for and I disagree. My husband and I have taked about it and he even told her how it is going to be with me in the picture and she needs to except it. But I feel guilty for telling him that he needs to put his foot down with her or she will take advantage of him more. I have been dealing with depression for sometime now and recently I have gotten back on paxil. I only have taken it for a short time years ago and now everything seems bla to me. I just wonder if I can ever feel happy with all I have done in my life. I have a long storey that I could tell you but as you see I have typed long enough...Please let me know what u think so far..? thanks.....

targhee gave this response on 4/19/2000:

Dear Anonymous,

Thanks for asking. It seems like you have the intent to be of help to your step son and to be a part of his life. That is admirable. However, some of the issues that you brought up I think may be the bigger issues. First, I don't know all that you have done in your life. The issue is moving on and learning to act in more appropriate ways. If you have hurt someone it is a matter of trying to do better and if possible reconciling with the one you hurt. As part of understanding issues it may be helpful to sit back and analyze what your biggest issues are. What would you like to do better? What would you like to resolve? Then take the issues one at a time and try dealing with them. How do you deal with them? You begin by evaluating what you can do different (better). What can you not do in making things better. Do you have support around you? Can someone help you? I guess what I am saying is that healing comes when we deal with our real issues. Most people focus on misbehaviors and do not explore what and why they do things. What I am suggesting is that it would be good to deal with core issues and then misbehaviors can change.

As for your step son and your role. I would try to be the best you can be. That may not be overly involved, but still supportive. Effective individuals find ways to affirm the worth of all people around them.

I wish you the very best.

Targhee

The average rating for this answer is 5.

Anonymous rated this answer a 5.

Thank You!