Anonymous asked this question on 4/16/2000:
Before my mother died many years ago, I purposely distanced myself from her physically and psychologically because she made multiple suicide attempts and I couldn't handle it.
When she died, I was living in Atlanta and she was living in Chicago. She died in February and the last time that I had seen her was at my sister's wedding the previous August. We had been in touch by phone and mail, though.
I have felt guilty about distancing myself since her death, but at the time I made the decision to distance myself, I felt that I was doing it for my mental health. Was I wrong? I know that I can't undo what is already done, but I still feel bad about what I did.
jooles gave this response on 4/19/2000:
Hi. Im really sorry for your loss. I just want to relate with you my own experience which is similar to yours. When I was 17, I ran away from home (my parents were abusive both verbally and physically), I was failing high school and I was incredibly mentally unstable....there was this whole thing, police were involved, my father tried to run me over with his car....and I left home and didn't speak to my family for two years. I spoke to my grandmother the first two months...I really loved her...but she ended up giving my phone number to my family and I ended up getting harrassing and threatening phone calls. I changed my number and stopped talking to my grandmother. And I needed to. I really had to get myself together and be a human being again. My grandmother died and I never saw her since I had cut myself off. Knowing that she died worried and having no idea if I would ever reunite with my family agonized me for years. And yeah, I do wish that I could've spoken to her, visited her in the hospital....BUT I HAD TO DO What I DID. My family had a hold on me so incredible you wouldn't believe..I was nothing...I was a small little frightened girl....and by leaving and becoming someone those two years have made me into something I am so proud of.
It's ok to feel bad and it's good that you realize that you can't turn back time. But YOU HAD TO DO WHAT YOU HAD TO DO. And I also believe that when you die, that you just don't die and thats it...thats the end of you....it's not so....I continue my grandmother's life through me...I see a little bit of her in me everyday...and I plan to tell my kids about her...and I also believe that she understands why and that she sees me and what I've become now and is extremely proud of me. I hoped I helped.