smile5 asked this question on 4/17/2000:
I have suffered from depression for at least 2 years and also take meds for this reason. I so want to get off the meds, not only becaue of the side effects but because I want to be able to cope without them. Depression runs in my family but I was able to fight it well until I lost a child 2 years ago. I had been raising a child as my own from birth and she was taken away by her grandmother right before she turned 4. The grandmother at first let me have visitation but quickly decided against it due to the fact that she wanted to break the emotional connection between the little girl and I because she seemed to feel it was a threat to their future relationship. I have been grieving for her since and I am so afraid it will never go away but at the same time am afraid to let it go cause I want to keep her close in my heart. At first I felt sadness; now days I feel more anger than anything and I am not the type to show anger but I have really been ugly and hateful to people I care so much about and I don't even see it coming. The depression and anger leads to more anger if you know what I mean. I am so fed up with it all. The meds help in one aspect but seem to only create more probs in another. I have mainly been a Prozac patient but I have gained 40 lbs with it and feel totally tired and unfocused. It makes me not care about anything. I got off that 6 mths ago and in March had to get something else due to the anger and depression getting worse. I am on Celexa now but have to stop that due to colon trouble and internal bleeding. Sorry for such a long story but I guess it feels good to vent and you seem to be someone that may have some sound advice by the reviews I have read. I do not normally talk about this to anyone because I feel like such a nuisance. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanx, Dee Dee :)
karunap gave this response on 4/17/2000:
I hear how much pain you are in. It is good that you have access to your emotions. That makes it much easier to do the work you need to do.
Depression is most often due to stuffing one's feelings….. particularly anger. The first step in moving out of the depression is to start doing feeling work. I suggest people do 15-60 minutes a day of feeling work.
There are many forms. Some examples:
Write lists of mads, sads and scares. Journal about past and present feelings, Feel them as you write. Write angry letters and then destroy them Twist a towel Pound a pillow. Push against a wall pretending you are pushing away people you are angry with. Scream into a pillow or pool. Stomp as you walk
Pick a pillow to represent the little girl you lost. Talk to her, cry, share everything you would like to share with her. Feel all of your feelings as you do that.
Talk to your friends….. find ways to increase your support system.
You indicated it was helpful to vent to me. That is right on. Find people you can vent to. If you need to vent and don't have anyone available.... use a pillow to talk to or talk to a tape recorder.
Improve your diet and exercise patterns
Read GOOD GRIEF RITUALS, LETTING GO OF SUFFERING and GROWING UP AGAIN.
In addition to all of that I suggest you see a therapist. IT is much easier to work through the pain with someone else. Find a therapist that will help you release the stuffed feelings, particularly rage, in a physical way.... bioenergetics therapy. Also find one that will work with you in developing contracts around behaviors you know are unhealthy....eating, exercise, etc.
You can do it!!!
The average rating for this answer is 5.
smile5 rated this answer a 5.
Thank-you for taking the time to give professional yet compassionate answers. You are a sweetheart!!!