Anonymous asked this question on 4/8/2000:

I don't really know how to explain what I'm feeling. For the past few years, I have been so depressed all late winter- especially Janurary and February. I have always dreaded that time of year. This year, it was much better. I finally felt like I had a little control of my life again. And now that it is spring- the time when I am usually coming out of my lull- just like that, it happened again. I mean, a week ago, I was on top of the world. And now I'm in this bad mood that I just can't shake no matter what and I hate myself when I get like this. I have every reason to be happy. I haven't fought with my parents or sister in weeks, I have a great b/f and everything is going great, I am making straight A's this quarter, I've been getting enough sleep for once... But I find myself feeling so.. I don't even know how to explain it. I close up and won't let anyone in, even though I am screaming for someone to see. And then, of course, IF someone actually happens to notice that I am throwing one of my little fits, I just say nothing is wrong and then get mad because they just let it go, when that is basically what I told them to do...

It wouldn't be so bad if I actually knew WHY I am so depressed, but I seriously have no clue. I mean, when I get upset over something, it usually is something that shouldn't bother me or normally wouldn't. It's usually just an excuse to be upset because I don't know what is that is really the cause... I don't know. It's not anything that happens or that anyone does. It's just something...

I don't really know what my question is, but I guess I just need to vent and to hear some encouraging words to let me know that I'm not going crazy.

Breathe gave this response on 4/8/2000:

Hi my name is Breathe; I do not think you are going crazy. I think you have needs and do not know how to express them. That happens to all of us. Especially when we have not been taught to respect our feelings and respect the fact they are just that--feelings and we are entitled to them. As far as the depression goes there is a type of depression called SAD--Seasonal Affective Disorder. I do not know if that is what you are experiencing but I think you do need an evaluation by a dr. You mention not fighting with family. That sounds like it may happen a lot. This also causes many feelings. Whether you are doing it now or not. I do not know your background but if you would like to tell me I would like to listen. Past has so much to do with present. Sometimes we cannot tell the difference in our minds. The seasonal disorder has to do with needing more light or a person can become depressed. They have special lights for that. I would just venture to guess there are many things going on. The seasonal disorder causes a chemical imbalance in the brain, many feelings of frustration and anger, so much to take apart and rebuild again in a healthy way. I encourage you to see the dr. and get that physical. One who knows about these things and I always recommend talk therapy to help work through all the issues. There is also the issues of you ending semesters at school. This is stressful. Please do not put shame on yourself. Lots of people have different issues in their life and there are many answers. Meds, talking, trusting friends, relaxation techniques, building up self-esteem. I encourage you to jump out there and take the risk to trust a professional to help you. We can live our live but what quality do we want to live it? That is what we need to decide. You are very insightful and sensitive it sounds like to me. Use those qualities to find the people in your life to help. Please let me know if there is more we can talk about and how you are doing. God Bless, Breathe.(do a lot of this) in through the nose out through the mouth at least five times in a row. Take care. You are ok. Just need some help like all of us sometimes.

The average rating for this answer is 5.

Anonymous rated this answer a 5.

I feel better now, just knowing that you understand. Thank you.