Anonymous asked this question on 4/5/2000:

I hope someone can give me some advice about this. I'm going to be completely honest, which I have never been with anyone before. I think I suffer from depression, but I'm just not sure what's wrong with me. About six years ago I had my last child, she was born with problems, but we got past that and now she's fine. At that time I already had a seven year old and a thirteen month old. After I had all three kids under one roof I began to feel overwhelmed. I figured this was normal, But it started to go deeper than that. There have been times when I couldn't get out of bed, I have let my oldest care for my two little ones while I lay in bed staring at a TV. I have let my house go to pot. I can't find the energy to clean, I don't mean it's just messy I mean it's a disaster. Now don't get me wrong I haven't neglected my kids they are all deeply loved, well rounded children. How, I have no clue, I guess when it comes to loving them I am pretty good. In the last two years or so I have slowly begun to climb out of my funk(as I call it) and I wasn't exactly back to normal but I tried. The problem is at the end of last summer I was determined to get my life and my house back into shape, I was actually starting to get proud of myself for doing little things like doing the dinner dishes right away (believe me I used to let them sit for a week so it was a big step for me). Then my husband was hurt in work, he has been out ever since. It's been six months now and I feel like I'm back to square one. He used to ride me about the way I was all of the time. But now instead he just does everything for me, he gets the kids ready for school, he makes dinner, he bathes them and puts them to bed etc... I understand he's just trying to help but I feel more useless than ever now. I feel like he's taken over my job. Now, I don't get out of bed earlier than noon, I stay up to all hours of the night. When I am up, most of the time I sit in my room alone reading. I feel like I'm letting my kids and myself down. My self esteem has never been a high one, but now it's at an all time low. I hate the way I look, (I'm overweight), I'm not happy unless I'm miserable and left alone. I cry at the drop of a hat, I snap at the kids sometimes for no reason. How can I get out of this cycle? I get that I probably feel replaced by my husband, but why do I let things like this make me go back to my coccoon? Why can't I overcome this feeling of complete sadness and low self-worth? How can I possibly be a mother when I can't even take care of myself? If there is someone who can help or give me any kind of advice I would really appreciate it.

Karen38 gave this response on 4/5/2000:

Dear anonymous, Have you seen your doctor? If not, make an appointment right away! A thorough physical is necessary to rule out any illness. He(she) may want to start you on an anti-depressant to get your brain chemistry back in balance. You started to climb out but when you're husband got injured that was just another boulder on the heap. No one can blame you for feeling overwhelmed but you know what? You've done it once, you can do it again! Take it one day at a time - a little more each day. Start working on going to bed when the kids do and getting up with them. It may take time to get used to, your body will need to adjust. Don't berate yourself if you slip back, just get back on track as soon as you can. Often times when a person is depressed their self-esteem lags and they don't take proper care of themselves, so you need to be compassionate but firm with yourself. Everyday, take a relaxing bath or shower and dress yourself up a bit - you'll feel great!. Plan some little things that give you pleasure, maybe a family outing or a trip to the mall. Always keep something ahead to look forward to. Even if nothing seems enjoyable, go ahead and do the things you know would make you happy. I can't stress enough how important it is to get some exercise! Outdoors if possible. If you can only walk around the yard the first few days, that's ok. Just do what you reasonably can and add to it when you're able. Give yourself credit for every accomplishment no matter how small it may seem to you. You probably spend a lot of time finding fault with yourself so it may help you to write down your accomplishments and make a list of the good things about yourself and your loved ones. Review this list anytime you feel yourself sinking. Your husband may be in need of support too right now since he's suffered a loss as well. As you get better your focus will shift and you'll feel more in control. Just be patient and persistent. Anticipate setbacks and obstacles, they happen, but don't let them discourage you. It's obvious you're a very loving mother and wife, just keep reminding yourself of that!

-Karen

The average rating for this answer is 4.9.

Anonymous rated this answer a 5.

Thank you so much for your caring words, they helped.