Anonymous asked this question on 7/12/2000:

well here goes, my boyfriend and i are in a very long distance relationship, and we've met twice, once for nine days and once for 17 days, the first time we met, i was a virgin, so he was very gentle with me, and we moved very slowly, but the thing is when we were both ready, he couldnt get an erection, so we figured it was a combination of things, his worry over hurting me, the distance he'd traveled, anxiety over wanting it to be perfect, and so on. well the second time we met, he could get an erection, but could not keep it, so we still didnt make love properly, he says he's never had problems before, and when i talk to him on the phone now, (dont read the rest if youre easily offended) he gets hard and comes, so im wondering whats wrong with me? i mean how come when we're together we have problems, he assures me that its nothing to do with me, but im having a hard time believing that much longer any advice would be appreciated thanks

SeekTrueLove gave this response on 7/12/2000:

Dear Anonymous,

It could be a number of things causing the erection problem. You touched upon a few including the possibility that he was anxious and worried about hurting you. Travel and fatigue may have also been factors.

And the performance anxiety...he might be placing so much pressure on himself to be good and pleasurable for YOUR FIRST TIME, that it's blocking out his mind. Having an erection if you think too much about it can be one of the most difficult things for a guy to do.

Or he may be intimidated by your beauty; it's not like he gets to be so close to you and see you very often because of the long distances. Maybe he just needs to get used to actually being around you, in close proximity. Perhaps that's why masterbating over the phone may be so easy for him - cuz you're not actually there in front of him.

Plus, I suspect that deciding to have sex on the first time you actually meet (no matter how long you've chatted over the net) can be quite a daunting situation. I suggest that if you want to get physical so quickly, perhaps just cuddling or heavy petting may be a more gradual way to get started. Or even oral sex if you're both comfortable with it.

Anyways, hope this helps.

Good luck.