aaron.r.36248 asked this question on 7/12/2000:

What constitutes a date versus two people just hanging out? What defines a date?

shrink4u gave this response on 7/12/2000:

Dear aaron.r,

Yours is a good question. In my opinion, there is no longer a one-size-fits-all definition of of a "date" or "dating." My feeling is you have to make it up as you go along and fit "your" needs and "her" needs into "our" needs.

As you start dating -- uh, spending time with -- someone, talk to her on a philosophical level about your question, i.e., "what constitutes a date." What's she looking for? What are you looking for? Maybe there are lots of things she'd love to get from a man (like a night of hugs) that you'd love to give, but she's been afraid to ask. There is more uncertainty about the roles involved in a relationship and dating than there used to be. I think this gives people more freedom, however, to work on shaping a date into what you'd like it to be.

I know I'm giving you an esoteric answer when you were looking for a grounded one ("After three dates, she's got to see you only - every Saturday night.") But I'm hoping that what leads to the realization that this new freedom can allow you to discover what will make you and your girlfriend happy.

Best wishes and take care!!

Love,

Mary