Anonymous asked this question on 7/11/2000:
My toughtest relationships have been those where I have become close to a girl across time and she holds back somewhat. That is ok --- sort of. As you might expect, something "gives" in the end and the relationship just doesn't work out. The girls seem somewhat surprised in the end that they can't "have their cake and eat it too." Those feelings that they know of being "loved," admired, and cared for so often are so wonderful because they come from someone that sees them as more than "just a friend." Why do these girls seem to think that such strong feelings from a guy really need to be aimed at a girl that can feel the same? I will admit that these relationships have tended to end on a sour note, but if I were a girl, I would not expect it to end with no one being hurt. The reason I'm writing this is that I guess I'm allowing myself to feel "guilty" that they don't end smoothly. But, that sounds like a joke to expect that if much time and effort has been put into the relationship.
Why do girls "relish" being cherished by someone unless they feel the same?
MissGP gave this response on 7/11/2000:
Hi sweetie. I like the tone of your question, you seem very kind hearted. However, I do not think that I understand what you are asking. Are you saying that these girls don't appreciate the love and caring that you provide to them, or are you saying that these girls want you to give them more love and caring? Please explain, as I am interested in helping you, being a woman who has been through some very interesting heartbreaks and heart-triumphs.
Peace...
Anonymous asked this follow-up question on 7/11/2000:
Hi Missgp,
It's simply that the girls seem to "enjoy" and relish being cherished --- even if they do not feel quite the same. So, they seem surprised that after several months of the relationship being tilted toward one side (me cherishing them, them simply seeing me as a dear friend) that I sort of get to the point that I either need the relationship to become stronger on their side (care for me more) or the relationship must sort of end. Typically, it ends. And, they seem surpised that I just don't end it by saying "oh well, have a nice day" after having put so much into it and having them "delighting" in being admired. But, you might say, I sort of get pissed off ... And, they seem surprised by it ... It should be obvious that anyone that has dished out for a good period of time without getting quite as much isn't going to be a happy camper... Right? Why do they expect me to be happy?
MissGP gave this response on 7/12/2000:
Wow. For one, let me commend you on your sensitivity and your ability to see that a woman is something to be cherished. Those are beautiful qualities in a man, and you are going to make some lucky woman very happy. Obviously you are having a problem finding the right one.
First, there are so many things to consider when you think about these women that you are having these "non-commital" issues with and what types of traits they all have in common. When I first started dating and became sexually active, I was not choosy as far as who I became attached to and how much of my heart and soul I would bare to that person. I wore my heart on my sleeve, and as you can imagine it was usually ripped off my sleeve, stepped on and thrown in the trash. I then began learning what it was to pick and choose who I let into my life. It seems to me that you need to ask yourself some really in-depth questions about these women: 1) are they at a mature enough age to understand what it is like to be cherished? 2) are they mentally mature enough to be cherished? 3) do they often talk about the scars they have from past relationships or the men that did NOT appreciate or cherish them? 4) are they aloof and often put you off to do things with their girlfriends or put other things in front of plans you may have with them? 5) are they open enough for you to talk to them about whether or not a romantic relationship with you is something they are interested in?
Sweetheart, I think you will see that asking these questions are going to help you weed out the women that are going to be a waste of your time and your beauty. Your heart is a valuable, priceless and blessed thing that must be protected. You don't want to give it away so many times that it becomes hardened. When that right woman comes along your heart should be healthy and ready to give her your all, and these women that you are experiencing are draining those prescious resources that you hold. Get rid of them, and the next time you meet a woman that is similar, RUN FOR THE HILLS.
As for the guilt, I can tell you that guilt is an energy drain and will nothing to make the situation better. You have done nothing wrong by cutting these women lose. That is what they wanted in the beginning, but the game is to see if they can keep your attention. That is not fair to you. Never ever feel guilty about protecting your heart.
Good luck to you!
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