Anonymous asked this question on 7/12/2000:
I have had this friend for a good many years; while I became a plain common person, he is quite the opposite: 32, very handsome, athletic (played football a lot), gets on easily with people, graduated from a famous place, he is smart and professionally very successful. The proverbial winner... Well, we were taking about girls the other day and he confided to me that "no woman can resist him, single or otherwise" if he really wants to have her. Of course I was bothered by this bragging (although he DOES get a lot of beauties) and mentioned married girls that I did not think would fall for his advances; he answered with a sly smile that he was sure they would think about him as they cuddled with their boyfriends or husbands. I was shocked because even discounting the bragging he DID seem to believe that. This left me saddened, because on thinking about it I feel that many beautiful people may also be like that. Now for the question: is it really so, beauty/success are irresistible? And even if that may be so, is a girl being unfaithful if she DOES remeber such a person while with her loved one?
SeekTrueLove gave this response on 7/12/2000:
Dear Anonymous,
Beauty and success can be irresistable characteristics for many people. But it can also be said for other kinds of personality traits: sense of humour, kindness, intelligence, compassion, honesty, etc.
The things that any one person finds irresisitable differ among each individual. For some people, they put beauty/success at #1 on their priority list. These are the kinds of people who will fall head over heels for your friend.
But sometimes that characteristic is down at #5, or #7, or #28, following such things as loyalty, integrity, valour, courage, etc. So it really depends upon the person.
As far as thinking about other people while being intimate with their partner, it's natural (to a certain extent) to sometimes fantasize about another person. Some guys will think about some movie star or somebody they know while some women will think about a co-worker or even just a stranger. The point is that we ALL do that to a certain degree. If, however, it's all you can think about, then there's a problem.
I suppose you can say that we are being unfaithful to our partners within our own minds. And in certain religions, I guess that would be a sin. But I think it's all part of having a natural and healthy sexual mind (as long as you don't ACT on your fantasies).
Hope this helps.
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