Anonymous asked this question on 7/11/2000:
My toughtest relationships have been those where I have become close to a girl across time and she holds back somewhat. That is ok --- sort of. As you might expect, something "gives" in the end and the relationship just doesn't work out. The girls seem somewhat surprised in the end that they can't "have their cake and eat it too." Those feelings that they know of being "loved," admired, and cared for so often are so wonderful because they come from someone that sees them as more than "just a friend." Why do these girls seem to think that such strong feelings from a guy really need to be aimed at a girl that can feel the same? I will admit that these relationships have tended to end on a sour note, but if I were a girl, I would not expect it to end with no one being hurt. The reason I'm writing this is that I guess I'm allowing myself to feel "guilty" that they don't end smoothly. But, that sounds like a joke to expect that if much time and effort has been put into the relationship.
Why do girls "relish" being cherished by someone unless they feel the same?
LadyMara gave this response on 7/12/2000:
For the same reason that some men want sex from any girl that they can get naked!! We are all different! You seem to have picked the wrong "girls".... in fact.... I would say that that was the key word!! A grown "woman" would hopefully know that a man has feelings also and not treat him badly for showing them. A girl would not be mature enough to handle such feelings.
Your message felt a little garbled to me, though I think I have the gist of what you are asking. There is the possibility that you gave too much too soon. Most people want to feel cherished. Perhaps you choose women who were too selfish to tell you that they did not return your high regard. They just took what they could? It happens. Men are not the only ones that do this. Giving is good and right, but do not give everything until you know that the person you are giving to wants all of you.
It depends on if you were both aware in the beginning and as things change that you expect to be able to split up without someone getting hurt. If one of you is not serious, and has no intention of being serious, you have an obligation to inform the other person so that they have the option to get out of it BEFORE they get hurt. If they (or you) string you along and then wonder why you are hurt, they can not discount that you or the other person is hurting....and hurting because of you. If you are wanting to give this sort of attention, but don't want them to get attached you need to explain often how you feel. If you are giving and they never get attached...then is smaller stages you might need to ask them what they want out of the relationship at this level of the game... BEFORE you take it farther....some women do not believe that a man can hurt. Those are the women you need to run from!! You don't need them.
I hope I figured out what you were saying. If I was wrong, please let me know....or if I can help anymore, please let me know that also!! I'll say a prayer for you. We all just want someone in our lives.... I hope you find someone....
love,
LadyMara
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