Anonymous asked this question on 7/11/2000:
My toughtest relationships have been those where I have become close to a girl across time and she holds back somewhat. That is ok --- sort of. As you might expect, something "gives" in the end and the relationship just doesn't work out. The girls seem somewhat surprised in the end that they can't "have their cake and eat it too." Those feelings that they know of being "loved," admired, and cared for so often are so wonderful because they come from someone that sees them as more than "just a friend." Why do these girls seem to think that such strong feelings from a guy really need to be aimed at a girl that can feel the same? I will admit that these relationships have tended to end on a sour note, but if I were a girl, I would not expect it to end with no one being hurt. The reason I'm writing this is that I guess I'm allowing myself to feel "guilty" that they don't end smoothly. But, that sounds like a joke to expect that if much time and effort has been put into the relationship.
Why do girls "relish" being cherished by someone unless they feel the same?
wractor gave this response on 7/11/2000:
Your question is a bit difficult to decipher, but I have a general idea of what you're driving at. I've read the other responses and they seem pretty good. From my own (male) perspective, I've gone through the same thing a number of times. A few ideas: 1. Many (not ALL) women think a guy who's too good to be true IS too good to be true. This includes the guys who are really romantic and caring. They think it's impossible, it's a 'setup', it won't last. Thus they subconsciously sabotage the relationship by hunting flaws, or inventing problems, or just backing off. 2. RELENTLESSLY cherishing a girl is really great INITIALLY/TEMPORARILY, especially in the beginning of a relationship; after a while it tends to numb and bore the girl to where she takes it for granted. I've seen a lot of relationships where the guy is a totally callous, obnoxious lout who rarely does anything for his girl, but when he DOES do something, she turns cartwheels and jumps for joy. (This is really painful to watch, 'cause the girl is usually beautiful & intelligent--a dream girl--and she's settling for this THUG that nobody can stand!) 3. You can't expect relationships to end 'smoothly'. Everything ends badly, otherwise it wouldn't end. No matter how nicely somebody tries to end a relationship, somebody's gonna feel burned. You CAN, however, limit the guilt on your part by realizing you did the right thing as well as you could.
Hope this helps. Best, KK