liquidfemale asked this question on 7/10/2000:
OK, I am a 23 year old female. I've been dating and such since at least age 16, lost my virginity at 19 but was sexual since 16. My male friend for about a decade now told me something recently that I really want to find out if he's right about. He has been right about me in the past so I'm taking it seriously. He told me that the guys I'm attracted to are a$$holes and I only go after them because I want to be challenged. He told me this after I was complaining to him about guys I've gone out with one night (really sensitive of me huh?) I don't have any interest in my friend, he's too much like a brother, but he seems so rare. He's smart, VERY attractive and super-nice. Not very social though, he reads a lot and likes to stay at home. I don't think he is attracted to me either.
Anyhow, I am attractive and tall and probably intimidating to some guys. So I was thinking that maybe confidence and a$$holes go hand in hand. I know it must take confidence to come up and talk to me so maybe it's not that I look for a$$holes. Maybe it's that only confident guys can approach me, and they are all a$$holes. What do you think about that?
Furthermore, my friend and I went in search of a "nice guy" one day. We went to talk to the bookworms at our college and the guys who sign up for community service and stuff. And I'll tell you a lot of them are just dorks. One of them kept writing all over himself because he was fidgiting with his pen and stuff.
SO, I want to know how guys grow up to be what they are. Why do some of them grow up to be confident and competent and charming but also untrustworthy and just mean. And a lot of the guys who grow up to be sensitive to people and might be trustworthy and such are just socially inept and sometimes smell. My friend says that it's partly the fault of the way women treat men and what they expect men to fulfill for them. Like strength and such. I'll admit that has to be somewhat true, but it can't be all.
So explain guys to me please, please, please.
Oh yeah, and don't try telling me I have self esteem problems. Those a$$holes go out as fast as they came in when they start showing their true colors and I'm a pretty happy person. I just would like to find someone who is: attractive, strong, trustworthy, nice, socially adept and smart. And I'd like to know why some of these seem to conradict each other.
=)
Thanks in advance.
williams_5 gave this response on 7/11/2000:
You know what, I'm not trying to be cocky, but I somewhat fit your description. This being said for the sole purpose of better explaining myself, I am not the type who goes to bar or clubs to pick up. I also don't hang out at the library 24-7. You have to expand your playing field a bit. Best of luck. PS I wouldn't be surprised if your guy friend is attracted to you, he's probably too shy or something :)
liquidfemale asked this follow-up question on 7/11/2000:
I don't think my friend is shy. But, he could be a good actor and he probably know that I don't really feel that way about him. so you're a guy. If you like a female and she's your friend how would you act?
williams_5 gave this response on 7/11/2000:
It depends, I guess. I (of course) wouldn't want to mess up our current friendship by letting her know I was interested in something more (fearing she may not feel the same way). At the same time, I would be upset if I saw her dating a bunch of assholes when here I am the whole time. I think you should just invite him out to do something fun on a Friday instead of just leaving him to read or whatever. Talk him in to having some fun with you and go from there. However, if you just don't feel that way about him don't lead him on just to try him out.
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