Anonymous asked this question on 7/11/2000:

Hello everybody! Hang with me here because i have a lot of questions. Let me explain my situation. My boyfriend left me,or actually kicked me and our daughter as well as my son out of his house, a few months ago. We met 2 in a half years ago and when i met him i was married. I had found out a few months before i met my ex-boyfriend that my husband had paid a call girl $ 250.00 to come into our home and strip for him. I was working 3rd shift and he was off work hurt so you can imagine how we struggled. Plus 2 months before this happened i had miscarried our baby. So i decided to leave my husband but he pleaded with me to stay with him through the holidays because i found this out in november. So i agreed. In december i met dwayne ,who later became my boyfriend and we had a daughter together, and in january i left my husband due to what happened previously and due to the fact that i fell in love with dwayne. As me and dwayne started talking and getting to know one another i found out i was pregnant by my husband. So i was honest with dwayne and told him. He proceded to tell me that it did not bother me that i was pregnant but as soon as i started showing he was gone. We got back together 6 months later. 4 months later i became pregnant with our daughter. So on through my pregnancy i went to the doctor alone,i took care of my son alone,i paid for everything as far as our dates went,we quit having sex,he started drinking really heavy and only coming to see me on saturday nights only,he was always off playing ball some where,basically i was alone through everything. After i had my daughter i moved in with him hoping to make a family with the kids and him. One day,after i had only been back to work 1 week from having our daughter, he calls and tells me that he dosen't wan't me to come back home and that he needs his space. In the mean time he get's a 1 bedroom apartment for himself while i'm trying to find a home for my kids. his reason for wanting to leave me is because i'm still married. Which i never told him i was divorced and the only reason i'm not divorced is because i feel that my husband made the mistake so why should i be the one to pay for the divorce. My question is should i pay for the divorce? Did dwayne have a good reason to leave me? Also he dosen't wan't to be with me but he still asks to borrow gas money and he still want's to sleep with me. Could he feel that he's made a mistake and realizes it or am i being used?? How could i tell if he loved me and if he still does?? Am i just being stupid?? Should i go on with my life with my kids and find someone new?? HELP HELP HELP PLEASE!!!!!!! i,M SO CONFUSED. IF THERE'S ANY MEN WHO COULD ALSO HELP ME FIGURE OUT THIS STUFF PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!

sunshinesss gave this response on 7/11/2000:

Hi, O.K., It's obvisous that you are going through an emotional rollercoaster and from what youv'e explained it's also normal, and you've proven to a very strong women.. I mean you made it through a bad marraige, losing a baby and now your in a bad relationship. You need to take that strength that you have and use it to walk away from this relationship. It may sound easier said then done but sit down and weigh out the good and bad things in you and Dwayne's relationship and be sure not to look to far into the past to find things because sometimes good things from the past never come back. If the bad weighs out the good then you need to leave. Think about your kids.. is the environment that they are around with you and Dwayne helpful to them, or does the stress and confusion that you get from Dwayne carry over and affect your relationship with your kids? Look at all these things and make your decision. As far as him leaving because you are married...that's bull, you were married when he met you and it wasn't a problem then now why is it surfacing now. The issue with him wanting sex and money for gas... I now you've heard the old saying some people want their cake and eat it to... Dwayne appears to be putting that into play. The reality is we as experts can only offer advice...You have to evaluate everything in your life and who you've become and make you decision from there. Some times we are unhappily attached to the wrong person and we block the right person from coming into our lives. Remember pain is information if you find yourself hurting and stressed all the time because of this relationship...Then your being informed that you need to make changes for yourself and you children. Be Strong(like you always been) Good Luck and Smile Sunshinesss

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