Anonymous asked this question on 7/8/2000:
I have been going with my girlfriend for about 5 months. We have been friends for about 8 months. Our realationship started off as friends..she was in a bad realationship at the time...she was basically with a guy that just wanted her for sex there was no communication or emotional connection. And we became closer as a result of this I gave her the communication and the emotional conection...she finally reached a breaking point and broke up with that guy and we started haveing an intimate realationship pretty soon after this. And things are going fine so far...Then one weekend she goes out with her girlfriend and meets this guy at a bar and it turns out he lives close to her nad they decide to hang out.Which at the time she told me nothing about...she said she just went out with her girlfriend and played pool..etc Then one night about a week later she showed up late and when I asked why she was late she said she hung out with this guy that she met a few weeks ago(the night she was out with her girlfriend)..and she didnt want to tell me because she didnt want me to freakout...she reassured me they were just friends and that hes a great guy blah blah blahThen she told me she has alot of guy friends and she allways will and I "will just have to get use to it" So im like ok cool..I dont know if I can I told her I will try. So another weeek passes and she tells me that she will be over after work on this particular night which she gets off at 11pm so Im thinking 11:30 right well at 12:45 she shows up and is in a good mood walks into my studio proceeds to get undressed ad if nothing happened adn then when I confront her she gets all defensive and says that she had to go home after work and that she told me that which she didnt...then she tells me this guy the one mentioned above wanted to hang out so they went and had a drink at a bar down the street from her house...I then asked why she didnt call me to tell me she wasnt comeing over after work...and she gave me some lame answer...I told her I wont put up with this shit and things have been cool for a while...Im a little confused about what all this means so if you can offer some insight id appretiate it..
loveable gave this response on 7/10/2000:
It seems to me she doesn't know what she wants. She keeps hanging out with all these guys, yet she's supposed to be intimate with you... if that is what I'm standing corrective of.
If she can't tell you open and honestly who's she hanging out with, then she doesn't deserve you until she can be open with communication. Communication is important in a relationship, and it seems you are open and honest with her.
She needs to know what you want out of the relationship, and then she needs to choose if she wants that. She can have guy friends, yet she needs to know if you are feeling jealous or suspecting something.
When she got defensive, she is probably feeling guilty for her actions if she did anything with the other guy. I can't tell if she did, yet my suspicions are there. Just be careful, because you don't want to have a broken heart of someone who isn't willing to put 100% into the relationship.
Let me know how it goes, and I wish you the best in your decision. If you have further questions feel free to ask, and I'll give my insight to the best of my abilities.
Loveable :)
loveable gave this follow-up answer on 7/10/2000:
One more thing, she is allowed to have guy friends, just let her know like I said before if you get jealous or not. She needs to know that she doesn't have to hang out with them all the time, yet you will allow her to.. like she would allow you to hang out with your friends who are girls.
I'm always here, and I'd like to hear how it goes.
Loveable :)
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