The Poem: Fnord

From: Marty Leipzig


 I cannot escape them
 No matter how I try
 They wait for me everywhere
 I cannot pass them by.

 Driving down the street
 I hear "Jesus Is Lord"
 And then immediately after
 I hear the word "FNORD!"

 Innocuous sayings and parables
 And on the evening news
 I hear the word "FNORD!"
 And suddenly I'm confused

 I sit alone in my room
 And I'm feeling rather bored
 I turn on the tube and guess what
 I hear the word "FNORD!"

 "Don't see the fnords and they won't eat you"
 That's what I've heard the wisemen say
 But I can't get away from those beasties
 There's just no fucking way.


 Fnord is where you left your sunglasses.
 Fnord creates the holes in black holes.
 Fnord is evaporated herbal tea without the herbs.

 Fnord is Dada.  Dada is Fnord.
 Dada envisioned Fnord.  Fnord created Dada.
 Dada does not believe in Fnord.

 Fnord is that funny feeling you get when you reach for the
 Snickers bar and come back holding a Mounds bar.

 Fnord is the 23 1/3rd state, next to Wyoming.

 Fnord is this really, really tall mountain, lost in the clouds,
 enshrouded by mist, and made of glass.

 Fnord is the reason hot dogs come in packages of eight and buns in bags of

 Fnord is place where those socks vanish off to in the laundry.

 Fnord is the tiny part that falls from the car for no reason.

 Fnord is the empty pages at the end of the book.

 Fnord is the screw left over when you take something apart,
 then put it back together again.

 Fnord is the 13th step in 12 step programs.

 Fnord is the little green hard thing in your shoe poking your instep.

 Fnord is a pickle without the bumps.
 Fnord is toast without bread.
 Fnord is a venetian blind without the slats.

 Fnord isn't this, that, or the other thing...
 it's what's left after they're long gone.

 Fnord is what only your cats see when they both suddenly stare at the same
 place on a blank wall.

 Fnord is a four-leaf clover with a missing leaf.
 Fnord is a fortune cookie with no fortune in it.

 Fnord is double-jointed and has a cubic spline.

 Fnord never sleeps.

 Fnord states:   If you can read this, you're in range.

 Fnord is the "i" in id.

 Fnord is the Latin name for navel lint.

 Fnord is an apostrophe on drugs.

 Fnord is an asterisk in rehab.

 Fnord is the source of all the zero bits in your computer.

 Fnord is the sound the Cthulhu make when they sneeze.

 Fnord is the "gh" in enough.
 Fnord is the "o" in women.
 Fnord is the "ti" in vacation.

 Fnord is why "ghoti" smells like fish.

 Fnord is the echo of silence.
 Fnord is the sales tax on happiness.
 Fnord is the parsley on the plate of life.
 Fnord is the preposition at the end of sixpence.

 Fnord is the blue liquid used in tampax commercials.

 Fnord is the butt-blotting fluid used in diaper commercials.

 Fnord is the donut hole.
 Fnord is the whole donut.
 Fnord is the donut without a hole.
 Fnord is the whole without the doughnut.

 Fnord inspired chain-email.

 Fnord adores a vacuum.

 Fnord is the color only blind people can see.

 Fnord is the universe with decreasing entropy.

 Fnord is the yin without yang.
 Fnord is Jung without gin.
 Fnord is the tonic without the Djinn.

 Fnord is the I in  I CHING,  but no one knows which one.

   Fnord is a pyrotumescent retrograde onyx obelisk.
        Fnord is a prepubescent renegade Bronx oboeist.

 Fnord is neither a particle nor a wave.
 Fnord is the space in between the pixels on your screen.

 Fnord inspires the person who writes the Infiniti ads.

                Fnords never know whether to shit or go blind.

      Fnords don't know whether to shit or wind their watch.

 Fnord is the smallest amount greater than zero.
 Fnord lives in the empty space above a decimal point.

 Fnord is the odd-colored shingle on the side of a house.
 Fnord is the redundant coin slot on arcade games.
 Fnord was last seen in Omaha, Nebraska.
 Fnord was last seen in Lincoln, Oklahoma.

 Fnord is the founding father of the phrase "founding father".
 Fnord shaves its ass, walks backwards, and barks like a fox.

 Fnord is the reason for triplicate.
 Fnords cannot be seen by Evelyn Wood graduates.
 Fnord is why doctors ask you to cough.

 Fnord is the "ooo" in varooom.
 Fnord is the "rrr" in aarrrgh!
 Fnord is the "mmm" in Hmmm....

 Fnord uses two bathtubs at once but only leaves one continuous ring.

 Fnord is dangerous.   Art is dangerous.    Fnord is Art.

 Fnord is DOG spelled sideways.

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