With Microsoft's recent aquisitions, came some new items that I decided to try out.

I'm having a problem with their registration form, however, so could you folks out there give me some hints?

God/MS would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions.

Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name nor address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.

1. How did you find out about God/MS?

   __ Newspaper
   __ Television
   __ Word of mouth
   __ Tabloid
   __ Bible
   __ Torah
   __ Mother's testimony
   __ PennySaver
   __ Other Book
   __ Divine Inspiration
   __ Near Death Experience
   __ Burning Shrubbery
   __ AmWay
   __ Manifestation in Meatloaf
   __ Want ads
   __ Other (specify): _____________

2. Which model God/MS did you acquire?

   __ Yahweh
   __ Buddha
   __ Krishna
   __ God/MS
   __ G_d
   __ G-d
   __ G*d
   __ Isis
   __ Bob
   __ All of the Above
   __ Father, Son & Holy Ghost Triplet
   __ Jehova
   __ Allah
   __ Jesus
   __ Satan
   __ None of the above

3. Did your God arrive undamaged, with all parts in good working
order, and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?

   __ Yes
   __ No
   __ What are parts?

   If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered here:

   ______ Understanding
   ______ Misunderstanding
   ______ Refuses to take orders
   ______ Other (please use separate sheet if possible to describe
                 your problems with god/creation/parts.)

4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a God/MS?

   Please check all that apply:

   __ Indoctrinated by parents
   __ Indoctrinated by society
   __ Imaginary friend grew up
   __ Wanted to meet girls/boys
   __ Wanted to piss off parents
   __ Desperate need for certainty
   __ Need to feel Morally Superior
   __ Vacation bonus
   __ Meet nuns
   __ Clergy or rabbi coffee-chat, streudel
   __ Needed a reason to live
   __ Needed focus in who to cherish & adore
   __ Hated to think for myself
   __ Fear of death
   __ Needed a day away from work
   __ Like Organ music, incense
   __ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it
   __ Desire to understand the befuddlement of existence

5. Have you ever worshipped a God/MS before? If so, which false
god were you charmed by? Please check any that apply. Remember
that only Microsoft has the legal right to the TrueGod suite of
Gods.

   __ Odin
   __ Zeus
   __ Apollo
   __ God/OS2
   __ God/IBM
   __ God/Linux
   __ God/FreeBSD
   __ God/Amiga
   __ God/Apple (Pre-acquisition)
   __ God/Atari
   __ Ra
   __ The Sun
   __ The great Spirit
   __ The Moon
   __ The Bomb
   __ The Almighty Dollar
   __ Left Wing Liberalism
   __ Barney T.B.P.D.
   __ The Great Pumpkin
   __ Billy Carter
   __ A burning cabbage
   __ Jupiter
   __ Hilary
   __ The Early Bird Gets the Worm
   __ Monica
   __ Beanie Babies
   __ Mom
   __ Newt Gingrich
   __ The Wicked Witch of the West
   __ Dow Jones
   __ Dow Jones
   __ Viagra
   __ Other: ___________________

6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in
addition to God/MS? Please check all that apply.

   __ Tarot
   __ Astrology
   __ Fortune cookies
   __ Psychic Friends Network
   __ Palmistry
   __ Self-help books
   __ Biorythms
   __ Runes
   __ Tea Leaves
   __ Mantras
   __ Crystals
   __ Pyramids
   __ I Ching
   __ Insurance policies
   __ Barney T.B.P.D.
   __ The Flintstones
   __ The Wall Street Journel
   __ Star Trek
   __ Ann Landers or Dear Abby
   __ Dianetics
   __ Playboy and/or Playgirl
   __ Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
   __ Lottery
   __ Television
   __ EST
   __ Jimmy Swaggert
   __ Human Sacrifice (your children)
   __ Wandering around the desert
   __ Burning Shrubbery
   __ Marilyn Monroe
   __ PooBwa, the Great Dolphin Master
   __ The X Files
   __ Other: _____________________

7. God/MS employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to
preserve the balanced level of felt presence, and blind faith.
Which would you prefer (circle one) :

   a. More Divine Intervention
   b. Less Divine Intervention
   c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
   d. Don't know....What's Divine Intervention?

8. God/MS also attempts to maintain a balanced level of
disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5  His
handling of the following:

  (1=unsatisfactory, 5=excellent):

  A. Disasters

     flood                         1   2   3   4   5

     famine                        1   2   3   4   5

     earthquake                    1   2   3   4   5

     war                           1   2   3   4   5

     pestilence                    1   2   3   4   5

     plague                        1   2   3   4   5

     SPAM                          1   2   3   4   5

     AOL                           1   2   3   4   5

     taxes                         1   2   3   4   5

     Kenneth Starr                 1   2   3   4   5

     National Enquirer             1   2   3   4   5

     Puberty                       1   2   3   4   5

     Laurie Appleton               1   2   3   4   5

     Jim Rysyk                     1   2   3   4   5


B. Miracles

     rescues                       1   2   3   4  5

     stars hovering over towns     1   2   3   4   5

     crying statues                1   2   3   4   5

     water changing to wine        1   2   3   4   5

     walking on water              1   2   3   4   5

     talking flaming shrubbery     1   2   3   4   5

     manifestations in meatloaf    1   2   3   4   5

     VCRs that set their clocks    1   2   3   4   5

     Sadam Husein still alive      1   2   3   4   5

     Cubs winning the Series       1   2   3   4   5

     Clinton's re-election         1   2   3   4   5

     Your humility                 1   2   3   4   5

9. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for
improving the quality of God/MS's services? (Attach an
additional sheet if necessary):

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