Going to Hell (what to bring?)

By Shy David

Hi, everyone! Since I'm going to hell, I've been wondering just what to pack for the trip. One can't plan too much for a trip that will last an eternity, I always say! There are several things I'm sure hell already has that I won't need to bring with me, such as matches, Catholic priests, entire Assemblies of God congregations, sulfur, brimstone, and summer-wear. But what to bring? Hummm. Here's my list--- I'd like to see what YOU all plan on taking.

BOOKS
   What Hell Already Has
      Every book Shirley McClain ever wrote
      The Holy Bible
      The Children's Book of Bible Stories (15,000 pages)
      The complete works of Carl Sagan
   What To Bring
      Dante's "Inferno"
      Coma Sutra
      Anything by Asimov
      Anything by Voltaire

MUSIC
   What Hell Already Has
      Theme song from the T.V. show "Jeopardy"
      All of the songs from "The Sound of Music" movie
      Anything by Neil Sadaka
      "The Star Spangled Banner" by Francis Scott-Key
      Anything by The BeeGees
      "Like a Virgin" by Madonna
      "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang"
      Theme song to "The Brady Bunch"
   What To Bring
      Everything by Reba McEntire, Emmylou Harris, Kathy Mataya
      "I saw God on the 405 freeway" by Mother Nature's Army
      Everything by Carley Simon, Nancy Griffith, Kate Wolf

FOOD
   What Hell Already Has
      Coors beer
      Rice and Beans
   What To Bring
      Diet Coke
      Tofu
      Pizza

COMPANY
   Who Hell Already Has
      Jerry Falwell
      Ron Stringfellow
      Charles Darwin
      Ralph Stokes
      Madonna
      Steve Winter
      Pat Robertson
      Isaac Asimov
   Who To Bring
      Stephen Hawking
      The Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders
      Einstein
      Edward Abby
      S. R. Donaldson (Thomas Covenant books)
      Steven King
      Mark Twain
      Doctor Ruth

HARDWARE
   What Hell Already Has
      TRS-80 16k, cassette tape save / restore media, faulty cables
      300 baud modem
   What To Bring
      Pentium/400 super VGA, five tetrabytes hard disk, 64M RAM
      T1 dedicated dark fiber optic phone line for HOLYSMOKE feed

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