Lilith also has an "Ishtar / Innana" side to Her: that of a seducer of men. She sits in the window whistling, inticing men to visit Her--- often for a fee when She is in her aspect of Divine Prostitute: a service to the temple.

I find both sides to Her appealing, equally. There are many reasons why my Goddess is Lilith. They are a bit recondite, but I'll try my best to explain them.

When I was 12 years old, I started having the typical "Night Hag" experiences that are common to many (perhaps most) people: out-of-body experiences; night paralysis; audio and visual hallucinations such as the bedroom being brilliantly illuminated and filled with apparitions. I had no idea what was wrong with me, but I thought myself very ill, and I kept these problems secret, out of fear of the doctor and out of punishment from my sadistic parents. Due to my questionable Catholic indoctrination (which failed), I even posited the hypothesis that I was being "demonically posessed." What else is a child of 12 to make of the following experience, which I wrote a few years ago?

I was laying on the floor (I didn't own a bed), on the verge of sleep, when I felt a very heavy weight decent upon my chest. I couldn't breathe. In terror, I tried to scream, but could not. With dismay I found I could not move--- not so much as a twitch of the finger or toe. I would feel my entire body vibrate, as if it were a huge brass bell that had been soundly struck. There would be a rushing, hissing, windy noise in my ears. Presently the weight on my chest would resolve itself into HANDS complete with fingers and thumbs I could feel. I could feel these hands reach inside me and pull "me" out of my body. I felt that if the being that was doing this to me succeeded in removing "me" from my body, "I" would never be able to return to it. This was terror in the extreme.

One night the "being with the hands," sitting on my chest, managed to pull "me" out of my body, and I found "myself" being carried by this being across the room, through the walls, and up into the air. All the while I was screaming and kicking at it, trying to get "back into my body." I felt as if Satan had sent one of His minions to come "collect" me, and I was being dragged off to Hell (thank the goddamned Catholic Church for this!). My kicking and screaming was putting the "being" at risk of being harmed, so it switched its grasp on me and grabbed me by one ankle, and dragged me along by one foot. I could only kick at its hand with my other foot, which proved ineffective.

Presently this "being" brought me to a cave on the shore of a large sea. The sea was deep, calm, and somewhat stagnant, with rocky, baren cliffs surrounding it. The water was wine dark, and cold. I was dragged into the cave and a Woman met us inside.

When She saw my terror, She yelled at the "being" to let me go, saying to it "Are you deaf?! He's awake! Let him go!" Which the being did. She then introduced herself as "Lily." She welcomed me to Her cave, and told me She had sent for me. She was very happy to see me there. Indeed, She was estatic. She motioned for me to enter deeper inside Her cave, and as I did so I passed animal skin rugs on the floor, a cooking fire, drinking pots, wooden spoons, a crude chair made of sticks and woven grass, and oil lamps for light.

We walked to a very large crevice in the ground. There were animal skins next to the edge for us to sit upon, which She did first: She sat next to the edge and hung Her legs over the side, dangling. When I imitated her, I discovered that far, far below our feet was sea water rocking and swelling gently. Lily's cave had an underwater entrance to the sea.

There She and I talked about many things. I forgot my terror completely. I was comfortable and happy being there with Her. I remember vividly how She put Her hands under Her butt and bounced up and down like a kid on them, flexing Her arm muscles. She told me She had been waiting for me to "reincarnate" for centuries: a belief I had read about but had rejected as unlikely (goddamn Edgar Cayce and his kin!). She said I was "reincarnated" to do Her work on Earth "once again," like I had done in my previous "incarnation."

She asked me to come back often to visit Her. She was very lonely living in Her cave by the sea for centuries, and looked forward to my visits.

Over the years, as I grew up, I often found myself in Her cave. While I never tried to induce "out-of-body experiences," I found that they occured with great frequency when I was 13 and 14 years old (nearly every night), and that they diminished in frequency to once or twice a year (at age 37).

When I was about 22 years old, I learned about the Hebrew Goddess Lilith, by reading about Her in an encyclopedia. The parallels between Lilith and "my" Lily were astonishing: they made goose bumps rise on my arms and made my scalp tingle. In physical appearance, temperament, and environment, She matched closely what I could learn about Lilith.

I have no belief that "out-of-body experiences" are in any way truely out of the body: it is purely physiological, with no metaphysical basis whatsoever. Anyone who says otherwise is ignorant, a fool, a liar, or all three. I learned over the years that such experiences are NORMAL, every-day experiences. (If one has not had at least one such "out-of-body" experience, one is in the minority.) These experiences are not evidence of mystical powers, "astral travel," or a "higher self," as far as can been tested. (Indeed, all properly controlled tests of "astral travel" demonstrate that one's awareness never actually leaves the body: it's all imagination or deciet.)

And yet, I still have a great affinity for Goddess Lilith. I cannot help it: She was my best friend while I grew up. She was there when I needed a friend, and She listened to me, and sought my opinions. She was estatically happy that I am alive. She was beautiful, sexually desirable, intelligent, and kind: how can one deny how powerful that can be in ones' life?! She made me happy.

Do I believe that Goddess Lilith is a living, real being? Yes, very much so. She exists archetypically, embodied in the women of the world, and I meet Her every day. Her daughters delight me, annoy me, and torture now and then, but She is still my Goddess: I didn't choose Her--- She chose me.

--- Shy David