The Book Star Goat ~*~
GENERAL OVERVIEW
The Restored Church of the Star Goat is a serious atheist religion
with members mostly located in the United States though there are many
members in Canada, Mexico, and a few in Holland.
The Skeptic Tank
Chairman is an officially ordained minister with the Church.
Since I saw that the history of the world was (and is) dominated by man's
inhumanity toward man -- justified with deity constructs -- I sought to
help expose the most destructive of those religions which continue to hold
tyranny over the heads of humanity in the hopes that others would be as
disgusted by destructive religions as well, eventually with the hopes of
ushering in a new Spiritual Enlightenment bereft of such deadly ideologies.
First: The Skeptic Tank was created to archive and distribute
details on the scientific debunking of claims of the paranormal as well
as the details of contemporary tyrannies committed against humanity in
the name of deity constructs. Both have their roots in ignorance and
superstition and only scientific method, logic, intelligence, education,
critical thinking, and reason are capable of fighting the good fight
against them.
Newspaper articles and letters containing legal case histories of child
sexual abuse by various religion's priesthoods as well as other religious
tyrannies have been coming in to The Skeptic Tank for addition to
the archives ever since -- a task which continues without let-up. The
signs revealed by this research are clear: Warring Christian and Islamic
factions around the world have been imposing their brand of insanity upon
the innocent in ever increasing doses as we near the end of the millennium --
they pretend that their deity constructs will 'return' soon and, to make
their beliefs come true, they seek to make the world as bad as it can be,
bringing with them a return to the Dark Ages, in keeping with their
mythologies which state the world will be as corrupted when their deity
constructs 'return.' Self-fulfilling prophecy designed to make the world
fit the death, destruction, injustice, and inhumanity in their mythologies
is being actively and successfully perpetrated upon the innocent.
The Skeptic Tank has been accumulating reports of such tyrannies
and, sadly, that task certainly seems as though it must continue until
such time as the new Enlightenment allows destructive deity-oriented
religions a thing of the past -- mythology's last deities.
After The Skeptic Tank became a solid and respected source for
scientific and historic information, The Restored Church of the Star
Goat slowly evolved during the next six years of discussions and
debates with thousands of individuals on the various computer networks.
The Restored Church of The Star Goat was created to offer those
seeking life-affirming religion and meaning in life a religion for
thinkers which would meet their spiritual needs. Since The Formation
in August of 1989, The Restored Church of the Star Goat has grown
in world-wide membership and has helped to provide academic intellectuals
with spiritual fulfillment of a testable, scientific nature.
The Church and The Skeptic Tank have merged into one entity over
the years though information provided to the academic public has remained
bifurcated into the Church (which provides intellectual spiritual
information and dialog) and The Skeptic Tank which provides the
scientific Hume-class skepticism of paranormal, testable claims.
The primary untestable, unscientific, spiritual, ideological basis for
this life-affirming religion follows:
There is an effort under way to get The Ways written down in a form
acceptable to both the saved and the infidels. The result is The Star
Goat Mysteries and it is a work being compiled by Reverend Fredric
Rice on The Skeptic Tank (626-335-9601.) Much work has been done
and a great deal of work still needs to be done. Revelations of the
contents to The Ways often result in submissions to the manuscript and
contributions are welcome. (Contributions will be examined for validity
through fasting and ritual and, if verified, will be added to The
Mysteries.)
There are many Believers in the world who have yet to hear of the
formation of The Restored Church of the Star Goat. It is hoped
that those who have found the Trvth in their hearts register themselves
with The Skeptic Tank. There is much work to be done. People are being
killed by destructive religions every day. Only by speaking out against
the tyrannies can humanity ever hope to escape the priest-ridden society
which threatens to destroy us all, negating the Promise of Star
Goat and His Mercy at offering humanity a second chance.
More ministers are needed to help save humanity. If you are a Goatee
in your heart and you wish to become a minister in The Restored Church
of the Star Goat, you may contact Alan Jennings
(504-927-4509) for details. Be sure to register with The Skeptic
Tank (Reverend Fredric Rice) as well. You will need to specify "The
Restored Church of the Star Goat" and then make sure to register
yourself with your State. Ministers should think about having business
cards with Star Goat's likeness etched upon them. (If you wish,
Fredric Rice can have them printed for you provided you are willing to
spend the extra money for shipping.) All you need do is contact me at
The Skeptic Tank for more details.
Goatees (which include other ministers) who are registered with The
Skeptic Tank will receive "Fields Of Green" -- the newsletter
-- if a mailing address is offered. Articles by Goatees and infidels
will be welcome.
As with everything in contemporary American society, there is a price
to be paid. A contribution of $5.00 a year will ensure covering the
cost of postage. (Eventually the Ministry of the Star Goat will
apply to the State for tax exemption status and your love offerings
will be tax-deductible.)
Q: What is the "Mutant Star Goat?"
Q: What is a "Goatee?"
Q: What is "Bile-ed" and "Bile-it?"
The True and Authorized Mike Christy(tm) Version (Mike is a long-
time follower of Star Goat and has fasted endlessly in his quest to
dream the revelations so that Mankind might be taught. His efforts have
been invaluable so listen closely. You'll be damned if you don't.)
The Following is a sampling of the works and words of The One True
Mutant Cosmic Star Goat. Blessed be His huge and furry
balls.
After the prophet Mike completed his good works in FidoNet, he was
instructed by the One True Star Goat to help spread the Good Works among
the Internet:
"I did then go into the forest and fast and found money under a
stump and did buy an Internet connection and began to play on the
Internet News groups and spread the word of StarGoat." --
Michael W. Christy
Read and Wonder
1: "I am the One True Mutant Cosmic Star Goat. I gave my son
Billy on the Holy BBQ Pit as a tasty sacrifice for your sins.
If you worship that Yahweh twerp, I'll eat you, you ungrateful bastards."
2: And Yahweh did annoy the hell out of Star Goat, and despite
Star Goat commanding Yahweh to shut the hell up, Yahweh persisted
in being an annoying little twit.
3: So Star Goat ate him.
4: He later did regret His decision, for Yahweh gave
Him the worst case of gas He had ever had.
5: The Star Goat, braise be His name, is the one true
creator of all.
6: Yahweh was an annoying little twit who wanted the credit.
7: But nobody with a Goat-given brain ever believed Yahweh's
mastibutory delusions of godhood.
8: Those who did were labeled morons, and doomed to never grasp
anything but the supposed works of that Yahweh-Goatfart-spirit-boy.
Said morons worked their tyrannies upon the Earth and millions fell
before their swords, arrows, and guns; they did call their bloodshed
'Holy.'
9: And Ebed said unto her daughter, "Blessed be she of the Goat,
who hath not left off her kindness to the living".
10: And she went down unto the ground, and did according to all that
her mother bade her.
11: And Ebed said "You are Naomi, handmaiden to The One True Mutant
Cosmic Star Goat, spread therefore thy skirt over thine head for
thou art near a kinsman.
12: And Gaal the son of Ebed came to his sisters and put his "confidence"
in them, saying "If you don't like this "confidence" I can sheath my
"confidence" with the skin of a Goat!"
13: And the sisters of Gaal did squeal with anticipation, for he had
withdrawn his "confidence" from them.
14: The sisters of Gaal did enjoy such "confidence" mornings.
17: For their father had not "confidence" and was not like Tol, of Modos.
15: And when Gaal had eaten and made himself "confident" and his heart
was merry, he went to lie down at the end of the heap of corn: for they
had been in the Fields of Green.
16: And Naomi came softly, and uncovered his feet, and whispered "You
are of the Star Goat His "confidence" is upon you."
17: And they all slept there among the Fields of Green.
18: And the Star Goat noticed the Fundees babbling about the
gas cloud they call Yahweh.
19: And He thought that they were kidding. But He later
found out that they weren't. And He lost His lunch
because of laughter.
20: And the Star Goat saw the corruption that the works
Yahweh-Goatfart had inspired and had caused. The evils that humanity
has spawned under the dictates of the Yahweh-Goatfart did besorrow
His good heart.
21: And He thought, "Silly humans. The joke's on them.
22: For I have eaten this evil bastard known as Yahweh, and they worship
a cloud of methane that I have farted in their general direction!"
23: Now therefore fear ye not: I, Star Goat, will nourish you,
and your little ones. And He comforted them, and spake kindly
unto them, comforting them, and showing them The Ways.
24: In the Last Daze, Star Goat caused a great superhighway to
be made real.
25: In this superhighway He caused to be made unto it newsgroups,
networks and world-wide-web pages.
26: Into these He bade His Prophet Mike Christy (tm) to
go and spread the [U]ltra-[M]ongo-[S]tarGoat [W]ord and [T]he [W]ays.
27: And it came to pass that Mike Christy
28: And they despaired and gnashed their teeth in impotent fury.
29: But, against all reason and logic, they held true to their belief
in their methane-god.
30: Mike Christy
31: "What the hell should I do to get through to these idiots?"
32: And verily did the Star Goat reply in E-Mail, saying, "Fear
not, my most beloved Prophet, you have planted the Seed of Reason
among the most destructive. Let it grow to maturity and all of your
efforts will be rewarded on Earth and in the Fields of Green."
33: And Mike Christy (tm) did cry aloud: "Braise be to His huge
furry balls for such inspiration!
19 Feb 96 14:20, quoting Kenneth Mcabee to Shelby Sherman
Kenneth Mcabee
Shelby Sherman
Kenneth Mcabee
Shelby Sherman
Kenneth Mcabee
Shelby Sherman
Kenneth Mcabee
Shelby Sherman
The Cosmic Star Goat (The one and only True God) sent His
son, Billy, to die on the Wholly B-B-Q Pit for our sins.
If you do not BELIEVE in Billy, you will be eaten on Judgment
Day by The Cosmic Star Goat, to stew in the Wholly Bile
for all of eternity.
You can avoid this eternity of punishment by being bathed in the
Wholly Piss of The Cosmic Star Goat and having all of
your SINS washed away.
This Cosmic TRUTH is based on faith which is my EVIDENCE of the existence
of the Cosmic Star Goat and His son, Billy. This
FAITH is EVIDENCE for me but not for you, since you must first BELIEVE
in The Cosmic Star Goat for the EVIDENCE to be revealed to you.
Since you cannot PROVE that The Cosmic Star Goat does not exist,
you must consider the possibility that He does exist, and
therefore The Cosmic Star Goat does exist for all who will
BELIEVE in Him.
BELIEF does impact EXISTENCE and all you have to do is to BELIEVE in The
Cosmic Star Goat and He will exist.
Does this sound familiar?
Kenneth Mcabee
Shelby Sherman
I sacrificed a chicken to Star Goat, Braise His Name,
to protect us from this Christian curse. - George Rudzinski
23 Jun 94 15:34 Becoming another god
Ric Remington
Quentin Fai
If you refuse to accept Billy's free gift of salvation, your
immortal soles, corns and all, will be eaten by the Star Goat.
There, they will stew in the Holy Bile for all eternity. The
righteous shall spend eternity in the Happy Dumping Grounds,
eating all the tasty garbage they want, there to live on the Fields
of Green for all times.
At first, I was an unbeliever, and thought the Restored Church of
the Mutant Cosmic Star Goat was silly, but I had a vision one
day after much fasting and praying. The Star Goat revealed
Himself to me. Now, I know what the One True Religion is. You
too might be saved, of course. It's never too late.
What's the matter... you don't believe me? Why not? List your
reasons. And remember, any reason you use to prove the church
I belong to is a false one can be used to prove that your church is
a false one, too.
4 Aug 94 01:20 Burn in "Hell," atheist!
Christopher Calabrese
Quentin Fai
Dec-22-93 03:24:00 HolySmoke in the home
Questor Thews
Shortly after moving to the dorm at UT Austin, I set up HolySmoke on
my door. Of course, I called it something different, but I made a
nice, pretty document that outlined the beliefs of those that follow
the Wholly Cosmic Star Goat and His Trinity(tm). I also
made up the Aphostile's Crud (analog of Apostle's Creed, for those of
you in San Borneo), a corollary to my Tenets of Star Goatianism.
Then I thought of a catchy title: "Amen Corner" and got that put on
my door.
Of course, the best thing about my door was my Daily Quotes; 2 or 3
quotes from taglines I had picked up on HS.
Oh, what a response! Every Gawd[sic]-fearing African American to ever
have the misfortune to be brought up under Southern Baptism or other
similar religions had to live on my floor--and they did show their own
peculiar brand of love.
Most every day I got stuff like "Fuck off, fag. Get yourself a
girlfriend" or "You will burn in hell for this blasphemy!" or "Why do
you hate Christianity so much!"...stuff like that. I loved it. People
started tearing off my Star Goat stuff, so I had about 40 copies
made (I used almost every one of them ;) ) and just put them back up
when I was ready. Messages for and against were put on the door, and we
had some pretty interesting debates. People were putting up
advertisements for parties on my door, it was so popular. They knew
everyone would see it.
The funniest incident occurred when they tried to burn my
Star Goat documents on the door. The note accompanying this
arson was "Next time it will be the door."
Tee hee! The door's metal.
My point? About 2 months into the semester, I RAN OUT OF QUOTES! I
made up a few of my own, but they didn't touch some of the best ones
gotten here. So, if you all would kindly remain caustic for a long
time, I'll have fresh meat! :)
Sure, HolySmoke doesn't make you popular, but it sure does make for
a great time!
DR> Christiana, "There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of every
David, there is a Goat-shaped vacuum in your heart and only The Cosmic
Star Goat can fill it through his son, Billy.
The Cosmic Star Goat (The one and only True God) sent his only forgotten son,
Billy, to die on the Wholly B-B-Q Pit for our sins.
If you do not BELIEVE in Billy, you will be eaten on Judgment Day by The
Cosmic Star Goat, to stew in the Wholly Bile for all of eternity.
You can avoid this eternity of punishment by being bathed in the Wholly
Piss of The Cosmic Star Goat and having all of your SINS washed away.
This Cosmic TRUTH is based on faith which is my EVIDENCE of the existence
of the Cosmic Star Goat and his son, Billy. This FAITH is EVIDENCE for me
but not for you, since you must first BELIEVE in The Cosmic Star Goat for
the EVIDENCE to be revealed to you.
Since you cannot PROVE that The Cosmic Star Goat does not exist, you must
consider the possibility that she does exist, and therefore The Cosmic
Star Goat does exist for all who will BELIEVE in hir.
BELIEF does impact EXISTENCE and all you have to do is to BELIEVE in The
Cosmic Star Goat and she will exist.
Now, Spammer, why is my senario an less valid than yours?
ssherman@bellsouth.net
<DARWIN><
Alan Presley:
Sigmund Anderson:
Alan Presley:
Sigmund Anderson:
Alan Presley:
Sigmund Anderson:
Alan Presley:
Sigmund Anderson:
Alan Presley:
Sigmund Anderson:
Alan Presley:
Sigmund Anderson:
Alan Presley:
Sigmund Anderson:
Alan Presley:
Sigmund Anderson:
Alan Presley:
Sigmund Anderson:
Alan Presley:
Sigmund Anderson:
Alan Presley:
Sigmund Anderson:
Five million years ago, humanity
landed on Earth, arriving in a huge spaceship which fled their doomed
planet. Those few that fled did so to escape the wrath of the Mutant
Cosmic Star Goat which threatened to eat their star due to humanity's
inhumanity toward each other.
Upon seeing the tyrannical tremble
and flee, Star Goat was appeased and, pleased by the piety of
those who remained, decided to allow the infidels who made it to Earth
a second chance.
Star Goat sent to Earth
a prophet -- born of a virgin -- and His name was Douglas Adams.
He showed those with the intellect to see the ways of the Star
Goat. Through His teachings 'Goatees' (as followers of Star
Goat are known) have learned of Billy Goat -- Star
Goat's only 'beGoaten' son who was sent to Earth 2000 years ago to
save humanity only to die a horrid death on the Most Unholy Bar-B-Que
of Death.
Upon reading The Ways, believers
expressed their bewilderment as to the continued lack of piety of
humanity, watching in disgust as the tyrannical created and worshipped gods
and goddesses through the ages, one after another, corrupting themselves
and inviting tyrannies and inhumanities upon themselves, calling hatred
and intolerance 'Holy.' The abundance of inhuman tyrannies unleashed
against the innocent being justified by deity constructs was illogical;
the cost in innocent human life was incalculable; Star Goat holds
a better way.
To address humanities disgraceful
downfall, The Restored Church of the Star Goat was founded and
The Ways taught. The signs are clear: Star Goat will visit
His wrath upon the infidels of Earth very soon. We are reminded
of His Threat to eat our Sun: scientists, often blinded by the
lies of the Unholy Hunter, create convoluted and complicated
"explanations" for such warnings and call them "solar eclipses."
The Restored Church of the
Star Goat continues its work to make humanity aware of its
disgrace and invite the intellectual among them to share in Star
Goat's Paradise when He finally destroys this world.
Questions? Various members teach:
A: The One True God, Who created life, the universe, and everything.
Now prove me wrong! This truth can be considered another thought
experiment for destructive theists, if they wish. Everything they claim
for their God(s) can be said for Star Goat with equal validity.
Star Goat (braise His mane) sent His only beGoatten
Son, Billy, to Earth to die on the Holy Bar-Be-Que Pit for
us. Those who continue to deny this truth will be eaten on Picnic
Day by Star Goat, to stew in the Holy Bile for all
eternity. If a destructive theist believes she or he can punch a hole
in Star Goat theology, they should come to realize eventually that
every hole they create APPLIES EQUALLY to their God(s). No one can
prove Star Goat is not the One True God, and Goatees know in their
hearts that He is, therefore He is!
A: A devotee of Star Goat. There is some confusion among infidels
due to the mistaken labeling of a form of facial hair growth being trimmed
a certain way. It should be pointed out in the strongest terms that
Goatees have nothing to do with shaving even though the original Church
did comprise mostly of hair dressers.
A: When evil sinners, or anyone else who did not acknowledge Star
Goat in life, find themselves dead, their souls will be swallowed by
Billy, Star Goat's only beGoatten Son, to stew in the
Holy Bile for all eternity. This is roughly equivalent to "damned"
but unlike the falsehood of Hell, the Holy Bile EXISTS! Goat save you
if you don't hurry and accept Billy as your Personal Savior!
We are the advocates of the Goat Life! Note that _acceptance_ of
Star Goat is required for salvation from the Bile, not worship.
Those who worship _anything_ other than reason are unworthy of
Star Goat's salvation.
THE NEW OLD OLD TESTAMENT
We all know Star Goat lives!!! Sadly, some people still deny
it even after all they have seen. They do so at their own destruction
yet it is not The Way of Goatees to put forth too great an effort to help
them see The Way. Nonetheless it would be evil of Goatees not to try to
help destructive theists see the truth at least once or twice. We owe
it to humanity to try to stop the bloodshed of the innocent, after all.
That's one of the points I've been trying to make. I might not be
able to prove to you that God exist (because you don't except the
Bible as evidence)
Why should he? Real evidence points to a conclusion, regardless of the
attitudes or beliefs of those viewing the evidence. The bible is merely
a written work that includes the history and the history of the religion
of some primitive animal herders in the middle east. Do you consider
Bullfinch's Mythology to be evidence of the existence of Zeus?
but it cannot be proven to me that he does not exist. If it cannot
be proven to me that he does not exist,
[Egad, not this again]
I have no reason to stop believing in him,
You have no reason to stop believing in the Easter Bunny either, do you?
and yes, I understand that you, without evidence, have no reason to
start believing in him. I also believe that unless you believe the Bible,
that you cannot believe at all, because belief in God starts with the
scriptures.
This is circular reasoning. Why don't you believe in The Cosmic
Star Goat?
Once you start believing the scriptures, then you might find other
evidence as well...
The defense rests.
Quotes from the saved:
Just who is Star Goat?
Who or what is Star goat?
You haven't heard of the Great Mutant Cosmic Star Goat?
(Braise His Mane!) Well, He is the One who is
really responsible for the creation of the universe. Fifteen thousand
years ago, He blinked, and the universe was created. He
gave His only beGoaten son, Billy, to fry on
the Holy Bar-B-Que Pit for our sins. Beware of Fluffy,
the Evil Anti-Goat. He will try to deceive you from the
One True Goat. Fluffy takes on the form of a sheep.
Yet another gleeful Christian threat is directed toward Goatees:
ATHEIST. I'm going to love waving to you when you go to hell, and
i'm in heaven.
I'm going to enjoy eating all that tasty garbage while I watch you
stew in the Holy Bile via a really big X-ray machine. The
Star Goat loves eating wieners like you. You should feel
honored, though, as Yahweh passed through the same digestive system
that you're going to enter. It is written in the book of Goatesians
1:3.
Let me tell you another story...
Well, I said I'd tell a story. Here it is.
Date: Tue 19 Aug 97 8:25 -
By: Shelby Sherman
To: David Ragland
DR> man, woman, and child, which only God can fill through His Son
DR> Jesus Christ." Did you know that?
Some more undeniable truths:
This is to all of you atheists. If there is no God...
Star Goat does exist. It has been scientifically proven.
How did we get here?
We traveled here from Gulgafringen in the "B" Ark.
Why?
Star Goat threatened to eat our planet so those of us in the
"B" Ark fled and crash landed on Earth.
AP> What are we doing here?
We're pretty much messing up the planet and killing ourselves due to
religious ignorance and superstition. Couldn't you tell?
Why?
Because humanity learned nothing from Star Goat's Second Chance.
What is the purpose in life?
To live in the Green Pastures or to stew in the Holy Bile.
Why?
Because Star Goat demands it.
What will happen?
You'll either live forever in Green Pastures else stew forever in
the Holy Bile.
Why?
Because Star Goat demands it.
Is there hope?
There is indeed Hope. You must only believe in Star Goat.
Why?
Because Star Goat demands it.
Go Back
to Shy David's Home Page.