by Marilyn Rucker

If I could be like Xena
A feisty warrior princess
I'd scream my ululations
While I slice and dice and minces

I could scare my landlord
And make him fix my shower
And he would not evict me
Cause I'd have such awesome power

And I would be a legend
Riding horseback through the street
Conquering my inner demons
Fighting crime from here to Crete

Let's all be heroes!
Let's all have swords!
Let's party with centaurs
And drink wine from gourds!
We'll bail out the good guys and
Wipe out the bad
Cause it keeps us in training for the great Olympiad!

But the gods are laughing at me
And all the goddesses smirk too
Cause I'm just a little milksop
And I am so afraid of you.

But if I could be like Xena
For just an hour or two or three
I could beat you at your own games
And then you'd fall in love with me
(That's how it works on t.v.)

Instrumental

If I could be like Xena
A feisty warrior princess
I catch daggers in my teeth
And I hardly even winces

That's the kind of stuff it takes, yeah
To make it in the old or new world
You gotta be a muscle mama
Or some folks treat you like a slave girl.

Let's all be heroes!
Let's all have swords!
Let's party with giants and evil warlords
We'll prop up the good guys
And stomp out the bad
Cause it keeps us in training for the great Olympiad!

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