INTRODUCTION

This is perhaps one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, swallow my pride and admit to the world what a fool I was. How could I have been so coerced into acting so uncharacteristically and let myself get stripped of nearly all my money, possessions, dignity, self respect and even my own life? How could I have been so manipulated, especially when I saw through (what I consider a global scam) right from the start? The signs were all there for me to see -- I EVEN SAW THEM! My story attempts to answer these disturbing questions.

My conscious will no longer allow me to sit idly by knowing the exact same thing is still happening to others. The fact that in San Francisco both the "mission" at 406 Sutter Street and the "ORG" at 83 Mcallister Street are still there are proof of this. They wouldn't still be there if they didn't have a steady supply of "raw meat" (as $cientology staff members refer to people).

I had NO idea what I was getting into when I first walked in their front door. By writing my story I'm hoping to show that Scientology is DEFINITELY NOT what it claims to be. I'm hoping to show how they take the very "buttons" and unwanted reactions they promise to clear you of and then turn right around and use them to control and exploit you. I'm hoping to show how they take all a person's good qualities and turn right around and use them against you. I'm hoping to show EXACTLY how they were able to take ME for a ride until my rational mind finally said enough is enough and saw $cientology for what it really is.

I'm hoping that my experiences are not all in vain. I'm hoping that by sharing them they will help convince others who are now entangled to get out and everyone else to stay out. I'm hoping that at least I'll be able to provide some comfort for those who are still trying to recover by letting them know that they are not alone.

I want the world to see just what kind of "service" they will receive if they walk into that San Fransisco mission or ORG. I want everyone to know exactly what goes on behind their closed "auditing" room doors. I want everyone to know exactly what they do in their indoctrination rooms. I'm going to show the world exactly how Scientology was able to take a well adjusted, caring, productive member of society and turn me into a cold, heartless individual obsessed with and actually planning on taking my own life.

I'm going to post my story as a series. I'm going to try to break my chaotic experiences up into manageable pieces. Since I'm not a writer, I need to reserve the right to modify or update my posts as either more facts come to mind or I think of better ways to express myself. What's important to me now is to get my story out quickly but also as clearly and accurately as possible.

As always ALL comments and suggestions are appreciated, even encouraged. I want to get my story out as effectively as possible so that other people do not have to go through what I went through. People's lives all over the planet are being wasted, even destroyed by this cult. THIS INSANITY HAS GOT TO STOP!

PART 1: HOW DID I EVER GET INVOLVED?

SOME BACKGROUND

In life people sometimes become sick or get injured, sometimes seriously. Look at Christopher Reeves. In 1989 it happened to me.

I've never told anyone about my injury except a few Scientology staff members. I've always kept it all to myself. For one thing, I never wanted sympathy. For another I didn't want people to keep asking me how I was. Most of all I always considered it a weakness, something that I should just suck up and deal with myself. Now however I feel even this part of my life needs to be told. It helps show how underneath Scientology's facade of friendliness and desire to help ("social veneer" as Hubbard called it) Scientology staff members can be very cold and cruel. Besides all the enforced poverty and mental torment people are being put through they need to know that they are putting themselves at grave risk if they let themselves get seduced in by Scientology's grandiose claims of sure-fire cures.

MY BEGINNING

Because of my injury one morning in 1989 the muscles in my left shoulder went into a spasm. It caused pain so severe that I could hardly move. I applied heat and took LOTS of aspirin. The pain lessened somewhat but a few weeks later my left hand started going numb. This numbness moved up my arm until it finally reached my shoulder. At this point I realized that it wasn't going to get better by itself so I went in to see a chiropractor. From the X-rays it was obvious that several vertebrae were out of position and pinching some nerves. For the next several months I got regular adjustments until all the bones were back in place and all the numbness was gone. Just when I thought I was back to normal the RIGHT side went into a spasm and the exact same thing happened again, this time on the right side. I continued for several more months until the numbness was gone. This time however the pain in my shoulders never went away. It would get better than worse or move from here to there. It just became a persistent pain. This lasted for well over a year.

Then a few days after Christmas vacation in 1991 my condition suddenly and rapidly deteriorated. Overnight the pain spread everywhere. My blood pressure went out of control and began to skyrocket. I developed constant, severe headaches usually lasting all night and day. I developed back and neck spasms so bad that they kept pulling all my bones out of place. The doctor put me on Napresene for my headaches and Corgard for my high blood pressure. I increased the number of chiropractic adjustments I was getting. I began getting massage therapy several times a week. I even began getting expensive acupuncture treatments. Nothing I tried was working. I just continued to get worse and worse. My massage therapist even gave up on me saying there was nothing more she felt she could do. At one point I nearly died.

This continued for 7 months. There was no end in sight. The constant pain was finally beginning to wear me down. I was losing all hope. I was very scared, desperate and alone. The acupuncture DID finally manage to bring my blood pressure back under control. It stabilized my condition. It even started to produce signs of improvement but the pain was still often so bad that most evenings and weekends I would just lye in bed on a heating pad, drinking beer, downing large amounts of over-the-counter painkillers.

This was the physical and emotional state I was in when my sister appeared at my front door one summer evening in 1991.

MY FIRST INDOCTRINATION

My sister was all excited. I invited her in and she soon began talking about this new "technology" that she had just discovered. We talked about it for a bit then she asked me if I knew anything about "Scientology." I told her that all I had heard were bad things about it. At that time my only exposure had been a talk show I had seen several years earlier, probably in the mid 80s. It was a show that I wasn't paying much attention to but it still managed to make a strong impression on me. I remembered one of the guests had been a Scientologist and I heard him talk about "having to control other people." I remembered the audience being very hostile to him and how he had to put on this fake smile as if to show that the hostility didn't bother him. Even though he was only on TV this guy still gave me the creeps. I sensed that he was dangerous, someone to be avoided.

I told my sister all this. She responded with, "Oh that's because you don't understand Scientology."

She just continued on by telling me that the "objectives" she had just completed had suddenly brought her into "present time", that the "Purif" had raised her IQ over 30 points. She explained that all ills are psychosomatic in nature and that Scientology would definitely cure all the pain I was in. She told me, "This 'tech' works on everyone 100% of the time."

Now ever since high school I believed in psychosomatic illnesses. It was how I explained the back injury that caused me to have to abandon track in sophomore year. It was how I explained why my physical condition was so chronic and not responding well to treatment. I thought surely it was something I was doing mentally that was preventing me from getting better. After all I was already trying every "physical" therapy with little results. I was very frustrated because I hadn't yet been able to use my belief in psychosomatic illnesses to cure myself. All my attempts to use mental techniques only seemed to make me worse. This observation (whether real or imagined) was later effectively exploited by Scientology.

Here was my sister telling me that a technology had been discovered which COULD handle psychosomatic illnesses "100% of the time". All of a sudden it seemed my prayers had been answered. Someone had succeeded where I had failed. I was in constant, terrible pain and very desperate and she was offering me a sure-fire cure, a cure that matched the one last hope that I was clinging to. THIS WAS THE FIRST PIECE OF BAIT I BIT ON! I immediately became distracted from the reservations that I had just moments earlier and became interested in learning more.

She continued on by telling me that we all had unwanted reactions and that these were what were holding us back in life. She said these reactions were caused by something called "engrams" and that $cientology would clear them from me allowing me to reach my full potential. THIS WAS THE SECOND PIECE OF BAIT I BIT ON! How many times in life have I wanted to be more? How many times have I felt I wasn't being my real self? How many times have I felt that some unseen force was holding me back? How many times have I felt that just when my life was getting on the fast track something would kick me back down again? There were even times when, for no apparent reason, my eyes would swell up with tears and I'd get all choked up. This would last about 10 or 15 seconds then subside leaving me wondering, "What the hell was that all about?" Now I knew -- ALL THESE OBSTACLES, NEGATIVE THOUGHTS, EMOTIONS, AND UNWANTED REACTIONS WERE CAUSED BY "ENGRAMS." Something in my subconscious mind clicked and said this all made sense.

She finally said, "Let me take you in with me tomorrow so that you can get more data." Being interested and hopeful that here was finally something that would get to the bottom of my pain I agreed. It seemed like a wise thing to do at the time. I was desperate and my mind was open to anything that might take my pain away. At the time I ONLY intended to go in and get more information so that I could make an informed decision. At the time I had no reason to distrust my own sister.

The next day I walked in the mission's front door, hopeful, with an open mind, my defenses down. I certainly had NO idea that walking in the front door of that "mission" at 406 Sutter Street in San Francisco on Sunday Sept. 1, 1991 would be the most dangerous thing I ever did in my life.