PART 1: How Did I Ever Get Involved Posted 1-30-96 PART 2: My First "Reg Cycle"

The next morning my sister and I drove to the San Fransisco mission. The instant we walked in the door she acted as though she belonged there. She was all excited and everyone she ran into appeared to be her best friend. This made a favorable impression on me. I immediately began to feel "at home." I wanted to feel a part of this camaraderie. By the time we got to the top of the stairs we were surrounded by "staff" members. They seemed really interested in me and gave me the impression that they really cared about my well being. With all the friendly attention directed at me I began to feel kind of special, kind of important.

After a few minutes my sister was hustled off and I was ushered into a little room where they had me take this "free" personality test. I filled it out as honestly as I could. This took about an hour.

While my test was being evaluated they had me watch a video that praised Hubbard. I began to have thoughts like, "Hey this seems like a really great guy. Look at all the things he's accomplished in his life. Look at all the books he's written. Look at all the medals he's received. WOW!" When presented with the actual facts years later I came to the conclusion that these claims had all been lies. At the time I didn't know this.

After the video they gave me this essay written by Hubbard called "My Philosophy." I REALLY wish that I could quote the whole essay here so that you could see for yourself exactly how something like this would have such a dramatic impact on me. Unfortunately they have a tendency to sue people who violate their copyrights. My belief is that they are so afraid that everyone will find out what they are doing that they sue to keep their real intentions hidden. Because of this I will have to severely shorten it and then paraphrase my summary. It might at least give you SOME idea how I believe I was further deceived, misguided and manipulated.

In his essay Hubbard starts out saying how knowledge should be for everyone and not just the elite. He says it must be able to be applied. He says the "tech" should only be used to show people how to free themselves and should not be crammed down their throat. He talks about how unselfish he is, that he has been all around the world and has seen such unbearable suffering and that his greatest pleasure in life is helping others out of that misery. He talks about how he was injured in the war and how his own family abandoned him because of his injuries. He describes how hopeless everything had become for him. After that he claims to have totally cured himself from all his ills using the "tech" that he discovered. He then concludes by saying that the only thing that brings him sadness is seeing evil people trying to keep his "tech" to themselves thus preventing it from helping others.

Again when presented with the real facts years later I have to conclude that this was all a pack of lies. Once again I didn't know this at the time. Instead I swallowed the "bait."

By this time they had created the effect they wanted in me. They had softened me up. They had made me receptive. Now I was primed, ready for the sales pitch. It was then that I was brought in to see "THE REG" (the sales person). This was to be my first (of many) encounters with Amy.

When we first walked into her office I noticed that she didn't even look at me. She seemed preoccupied. It seemed rather odd because everyone else had seemed so friendly. We sat down at her desk. She immediately pulled out the results of my personality test and quickly went to work. She started by pointing out all the places where I scored "low." In no time she had me talking about my "ruins," areas in my life that I thought could be improved. This was no challenge for her because, as I said, I walked into the building with my defenses down. I still believed that she had good intentions for me. I trusted her. Everything I brought up she replied with, "Scientology auditing can fix that." She explained how auditing could fix everything, that it could bring my personality graph all the way up to the top of the chart.

It was here that she suddenly dropped the first bombshell. She said, "If you don't get auditing all these things down here (pointing to the lowest items) will only get worse." Then she launched into this thing called the "dwindling spiral." She explained that I would come back life after life and that if I didn't get auditing all my ruins would only continue to spiral downward.

She then started rapidly talking about these things called the "bridge," the "grades," the "bank" and the "state of clear." She talked in a blur. She wasn't making any sense to me. I became very confused. When I am confused I tend to go a bit blank, I become somewhat dazed like in a trance. I kept asking direct questions to clear up my confusion and try to understand what she was talking about. For the life of me I could not get a straight answer out of her. I thought to myself at the time that she was just a very poor communicator. I now believe she was doing it on purpose. I've experienced how this technique when applied repeatedly to me REALLY CAN knock out my analytical, rational mind. I didn't know any of this at the time.

After several hours of this constant, rapid barrage of confusing outflow she finally mentioned something called the Life Repair Program. She said I needed to sign up for it right away. She said, "Wayne, I can see your really reaching for the bridge. This program will handle everything you said you wanted handled. All it will cost you is $2,500." I asked, "Is that ALL everything here will cost me?" She replied in a very definitive voice, "YES, that's all."

I then got up to leave saying, "I'd like to go home and think about all this before I make a decision." She immediately jumped up and shot back, "NO!" She ran around her desk to physically stop me from leaving. She went on to explain, "Every time I let someone go home and think about it they don't come back. Their bank gets in their way. This is your one last chance to go free. I can't bare to see you not make it. You don't have to do it alone anymore. I'm here to help you. Wayne, I'm your friend you can trust me. We'll never abandon you like that other group did."

In this one last desperate "shotgun blast" she finally managed to get to me. All at once she hit several deep "buttons" that I had.

In the mid 80's I was involved with a group in Boulder Creek. They were the most lovable people I could ever hope to meet. They were all so open and honest. I could totally trust them. I could tell them anything. My involvement with them completely changed my life around. For me friendships like that are so important, they make my life worth living. With them I began to become the person that I always wanted to be. Then suddenly after two years, for reasons that I still can't explain, the door was slammed shut in my face. I was not allowed to go back there anymore. I was devastated! For two weeks I walked around in a daze. It took almost a year before the emotional pain subsided enough for me to go out and start getting involved in life again. Now Amy suddenly stirred all those painful memories up again. I never wanted to have to experience that feeling of sudden abandonment again, especially from someone I cared so much about. Now she was giving me assurances that it never would.

Another thing she hit was that I already knew that I sometimes held myself back in life, that sometimes it took someone else's encouragement or support to give me that little extra boost that I needed to try something new. Because of this I started rationalizing and said to myself, "Maybe she's right. Maybe if I go home and 'think' about it I'll chicken out or change my mind and miss out on my 'ONE LAST CHANCE to go free.' A sense of urgency arose when I heard that phrase. I continued rationalizing, "Maybe my doubts NOW are just me holding myself back as usual. Maybe I SHOULD listen to her. I'm not always right you know. Sometimes it DOES help to listen to others, it certainly did in Boulder Creek."

I also knew that I often felt that I had to handle life alone. At the time I had no one that I could really confide in. I missed my friends in Boulder Creek. I could really confide in them. I also felt that I got along well with most people but it was always on a friendly, superficial level. I considered myself fairly successful at most things but for any real personal growth I needed to be able to share on deeper level with others. I knew that I sometimes got caught in "loops" and that talking to someone else really CAN help. Now Amy was promising me that someone else WOULD BE there for me. I started to believe that Scientology would be just like what I had with my friends in Boulder Creek, only this time more "scientific".

In a rapid-fire way Amy kept constantly stirring up all my subconscious fears, desires, needs and pain. She kept promising me that Scientology would definitely cure my physical injury. She kept promising me that Scientology would provide all the things that I felt I needed or wanted. At the same time I experienced her constantly knocking out my rational mind, the mind that was trying to analyze what was going on. In normal life most of this kind of stuff stays submerged and I deal with each thing as it comes up, usually in the most rational way I know how. In this environment I was prevented from doing that. Here she was stirring me up without letting ME be at the controls. THAT'S HOW SHE GOT ME TO ACT SO UNCHARACTERISTICALLY!

Even after she broke me down this far I STILL had a few more reservations.

I knew my pain was a constant distraction. Because of that I didn't feel that I would be able to make any real commitments so I asked her, "Will my injury cause any problems for me going up the bridge?" She replied with, "Oh no! You just pay me the $2,500 and then 'rocket up the bridge.' You'll go 'clear' in less than 6 months. Scientology will definitely handle all the pain your in. It won't be a problem at all."

I finally asked her, "Are you sure your telling me everything? I don't want to sign up for all this and then not be able to live up to your expectations. I want everything to be out in the open so there are no misunderstandings here. If you have any hidden expectations that you're not telling me about they will only cause problems later." She replied, "Oh no, I've told you everything."

STILL a little reluctant (and hoping to buy some time to think) I explained that I didn't have any way to pay her right then. She said, "Don't worry. You can use one of these." She opens up her top draw and pulls out a blank check. She said, "You can just write a counter-check against your checking account. It won't be a problem at all. We do this all the time."

With my one last excuse shot to pieces I thought to myself, "If $2,500 is ALL it will cost me, I can afford that. Look at all I'll be getting in return. Besides, my sister has been praising this 'tech' ever since she appeared at my door the night before. There MUST be something to it. Surely she wouldn't get me involved in anything she didn't really believe in." Still with some reservations but feeling like I didn't have a leg left to stand on I reluctantly signed the check. Amy grabbed it from me and practically ran out of the room.

I had NO IDEA that signing that ONE counter-check would eventually end up costing me over $150,000 and nearly everything I owned.

I remember riding home with my sister that night, tired and confused but also kind of excited. I left San Francisco feeling that I had just become part of something good. In less than two weeks I began to feel that I had sold my soul to the devil.

It was the instant that I handed over that FIRST counter-check that Scientology got their talons into me. It wasn't until four long years later when I was finally able to pry them lose. Who knows how long it will take for me to heal the wounds and erase the scars.