Hi Everyone,

When I first started hearing reports that something unusual had occurred with Martin I became concerned. Since details were sketchy and I had no way to find out for myself what was going on I was left to just wonder. When my mind has few facts to work with I naturally conjure up "facts", it's called speculating. A rational person puts all these "facts" on the table, steps back and then sorts out what's real and what is just idle speculation. For me reading A.R.S. helped this process along. Sometimes in life there isn't time to do this so I'm sure glad that someone took immediate action and did something to make sure that Martin was O.K.

Often times speculating stirs up emotions. This same thing happened to me shortly after I started posting to A.R.S. I tried to read A.R.S. one day and my computer said "ACCESS DENIED." I immediately thought, "Oh my God, they've cut my cable and they're coming to get me" (and other such silliness). I went into a panic and immediately deleted all my $cientology files. It turned to just be a problem with my newsreader. Whenever something unusual suddenly occurs (and there's reason to be concerned) there's almost always this knee-jerk reaction, it's called the "fight or flight syndrome". $cientology exploits this phenomena at the same time promising to "clear" you of it. To me this IS the reactive mind. I believe a person needs BOTH a reactive and an analytical mind. The reactive mind is needed to deal with the sudden and dangerous situations and the analytical mind is needed to sort the real from the unreal and keep the reactive mind from getting out of control and running your life.

In Martin's case, with few facts, I imagined the worst at the beginning. I'd even have bouts where I would become worried sick, especially in my more idle moments. When reports that he was O.K. finally started trickling in I started to feel better. However, it wasn't until he sent me a very articulate and eloquent letter explaining everything that I was finally convinced that all was well. My relief quickly turned to sadness, however, when I realized what this all meant. I felt like I lost a comrade, a friend. I felt abandoned. I experienced the same loss when I read Maggie Council's farewell post back in March.

I became depressed and began questioning whether I too should just move on. If someone who was so prolific, someone who had web pages and all that other stuff, someone who had such a presence just suddenly throws in the towels than I thought , "Why should I continue?" His sudden disappearance left a vacuum in me.

After a day or two I realized that *I* STILL have my OWN agenda, just like he had his. His agenda has changed, mine hasn't. *I* am NOT ready to move on yet. I have two main reasons (and many little ones) for doing all the things I am doing. I haven't accomplished what I set out to accomplish so I, for one, WILL "continue to fight the good fight!"

Wayne Whitney