BATTLEFIELD EARTH review

BATTLEFIELD EARTH is that amazing turd in your toilet bowl. That log of shit that has colors that you can't understand the reason for being there. It also has a weird shape... it somehow resembles something familiar. You almost want to take a picture of it to show friends late at night, when the blinds are drawn and have a dirty filthy thing you want to disgust someone with, but... you have this inate curiousity... "Have you ever seen anything quite like this?"

Your friend will inevitably take a look and say, "Whoa, what a piece of shit!"

And you will respond with, "Yeah, but don't you think it's fascinating how.."

Your friend will interupt with, "Dude, why did you take a picture of this log of shit? Why did you waste the film?"

"Because I thought it would be interestin.."

"Dear God, It's just a log of shit!"

Humiliated, you take the picture back. Knowing that it contains some strange familiar kernals that you had once remembered ingesting and liking, and the picture reminds you that it once had the ingredients for a good meal. But... the form and color... the angle in the toilet bowl. In some weirdass freaky fucked up way, it reminds you of art. So... you send the picture to Larry Flynnt and Hustler... a true bastion of tasteless joy. And one day, a year or so later, that same friend comes up to you and says... "Dude, take a look at this shit! You ever seen anything so fucking disgusting?"

And you'll smile, knowing that it's a piece of shit that alot of people will see and discuss. And it is at this point in you delusion that you realize that the film is not really worth taking that picture of. That it's best left flushed on what screens it has touched. That the sewer line will carry it away, and that ultimately this shit deserves to be left unseen and in a cold dark tube where it will soon amass with the shit of the ages. Rats and insects will feed upon those one or two kernals of undigested ingredients. They'll be eaten by birds, that will fall to the ground and fertilize a flower many years from now and those kernals will be appreciated in a small part to something beautiful... on down the road.

But for now... BATTLEFIELD EARTH is a log of shit. Look only if you like to stare at shit.